Something Beautiful

I have been thinking about fingernails lately. They are a constant problem for me because of my job. Every day I have to deal with them, cutting them, filing them. It is a continually present issue that requires daily attention. It seems like even when I have dealt with them, I can still feel the little, tiny, sharp edges sticking out. As I have been struggling with my fingernails, I realized that this is much like my walk with God. Hang in there with me. I know fingernails to God is bit of a quantum leap. I have a daily struggle with my human nature. I fight laziness in the morning as I cling to my blankets. I fight my sharp tongue in my conversations with others. I fight my propensity to not steward my body well with healthy eating and exercise. I fight my thoughts that would be less than good, kind, and excellent. I struggle daily. I have to daily surrender myself to God and His will. I have to daily attend to these things. I have to daily posture myself to hear His voice. I h...

I have not been great about blogging lately. Perhaps my thoughts have been to personal for me to share or just not coherent enough to form a blog post, I'm not really sure which it is. There have been many things that I have been reflecting on lately, and that is natural for me at this time of year. The holidays bring memories, and the quiet days of fall and winter bring time to ponder upon these things.  My heart has been drawn by old things lately. Old ideas written in old books by old people. The pace of life and obsession with always having new and better technology doesn't leave much space for the old things. I enjoy the benefits of the many technological advancements that we have had over the last 100 years, but I am left wondering whether these things are really making our lives better.  I am not much of a traditionalist, and yet I find myself drawn to the way that older people live. They have lived so much longer and seen so much life. There is wisdom and purpose i...

My family has a thanksgiving tradition before we all go through the line and fill up our plates with delicious thanksgiving fare we go around in a circle and say what we are thankful for. We used to have a rule that you couldn't repeat what someone else had said; it makes you think a little more.  This year as we stood on my parent's lawn in the sunshine and beautiful weather, I was moved to tears by the things my cousins and aunts and uncles are thankful for: their spouses, their children and grandchildren, and the example and legacy that has been left to us all.  A cousin was thankful for her husband who works hard so she can stay at home with their boys. Another cousin was thankful for her husband's sense of humor. Even the kiddos said that they were thankful for their cousins and the time that they get to spend playing together.  I was so moved by the love that is so clearly evident in all of their relationships. I was so moved by the way our family has grown an...

I had a conversation with some friends tonight, and we briefly touched on a subject that is very interesting to me because I have made myself an experiment in this very area. We were discussing a movie (which I have not seen) and a comment that a woman in the movie makes about how her degree on the wall doesn't keep her warm at night. I believe at the end of the movie she makes a decision to change her lifestyle to reflect what she actually wants. Again I have not seen this movie, so this is based off of my thoughts of what the people I was talking with said. This subject is fascinating to me because I have spent a lot of time thinking about what I really want out of life. I had many people tell me what they thought I should do or be, all of whom I am sure were well intentioned. However, at the end of the day I had to be the one to decide what I wanted and why I wanted it.  I am very good at economics. It is how my brain works. It just makes sense to me. It took me years to rea...

I believe in impossible things. I believe in them because with God nothing is impossible. He is able to do far more abundantly than all we could ever ask or imagine. I have faith for impossible things because God in His infinite goodness has allowed me to experience the impossible in my life. I don't always do a good job remembering this, but on November 1st I always remember that God is able to do the impossible because this is an anniversary of the impossible happening in my life.  I call days like today a day of remembrance. I look forward to them. I have great expectations about them. I remember what God has done and anticipate what God will do. I have several of these days scattered throughout the year, but I am particularly fond of this one.  November 1, 2003: The day that I realized that I was alive for a reason. As someone who struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts in my early teen years, that was a major realization. On a very cold morning, I stood lookin...

I typically refrain from making political posts because while politics is something I have very strong opinions about, I try not to engage myself in political conversations. This may or may not be wrong depending on your own opinions and views, but the fact of the matter is that I have just had one too many heated political conversations, and I am tired of people arguing with me because of my opinion.  This post while political in nature is really about something more. It is a post about respect and responsiblity. Several things have happened lately that has just caused me to believe there is something seriously lacking in the way we deal with politics.  Let me just tell you where this post is coming from. The other day I watched this video . Please go watch it before you continue reading, as it will make everything that I am talking about clearer. I was disgusted when I watched that. Is this the level we have stooped to in America? In the words of my lovely graphic design...

I have been thinking lately how little things really do matter in the grad scheme of things. Why? Because God deeply cares about the little things, and honestly if God, who created everything including the vast expanse of the whole universe, cares so much about little things then we probably should too.  It is humbling to me how when we are surrendered to God's will He gives us not just something adequate, but something extraordinary. Little things that are wishes, hopes and dreams almost too small to be uttered are not overlooked by God. He sees them, hears them and knows them because He sees, hears and knows us.  I sometimes think that the little things I desire are somehow too small to be of consequence in the great big plan that God has because I am a very small part of that plan. God has been using various circumstances lately to show me that He not only sees my great big desires, but also the little ones, and that those little desires are no less important to Him....

I am finding it difficult to put into words what I think I am supposed to convey with this post, so please bear with me.    I have been single for nearly 25 years. I have struggled with this fact. I have cried. I have begged and pleaded with God. I have thrown my hands up in frustration. I have prayed until I have no other words to pray. I have stopped praying. I have believed in moments that I would be single forever despite God's promises to the contrary. I have spoken in bitterness and resentment. I have surrendered my desire over and over again. I have embraced the longing that accompanies unfulfilled desires. I have spoken hope and encouragement. I have accepted God's will for me for today. I have arrived at a place of peace, a place of contentment in the midst of unfulfilled desires. I have shared many things about my singleness, but I haven't ever really talked about why I am single, the story of how I arrived at this point. When people find out that I have neve...

Okay, confession time. Don't judge me. I am a huge, sappy, cheesy romantic at heart. Whew! I said it. Somewhere in the middle of having a logical, economics brain, being in junior high (why do junior high students treat each other so horribly?) and one too many disappointments, I buried my sappy, cheesy romantic heart. It still pops up sometimes when I hear a great love story or listen to a great love song, but for the most part I have kept it firmly in check, "guarding my heart" because that's what we single girls are supposed to do, right? But the fact is when I just get right down to it that "guarding my heart" just became a convenient excuse to avoid potentially painful situations. It is fear of being hurt, fear of being overlooked, fear of never having anyone look at me "that way" that has kept me from embracing the romantic part of my heart. That's a problem because perfect love casts out fear ( 1 John 4:18 ). And I have perfect love...

I feel certain that I have blogged about what I am about to say before, but for some reason I could not find the post. Besides, I think it probably bears repeating, so here goes.  Over and over lately I have been hearing people talk about the power that words have. This is something that I can personally attest to, being a words of affirmation person. I actually crave words. There are things that I know I am good at (like my job), yet I still desire to hear someone speak that word and say that I am good at it. My security doesn't depend on hearing someone tell me I'm good, but hearing that just brings renewed joy and life to my heart.  When I was on the beach with my lovely friend, we were talking about how we don't affirm men enough. As women we just don't realize how frequently men need to be told that they are doing a good job, that we respect and appreciate them, that we are thankful for them. We told the lifeguard at the ocean that we appreciated him and what a...