the way you move ain't fair you know
Deep breaths are my friend right now.
I'm going to make it.
Two months from tomorrow I will graduate from college. That doesn't seem possible. I don't feel like I am at all ready to graduate.
Last night K and I watched Post Grad. It did very little to lessen my nervousness about the 14th of May. I had to stop myself from thinking it over and over because it was late and that is never a good time to start contemplating something that is mildly scary. Who am I kidding...it's not mildly scary...it's quite scary. Anyway, I came home and laid my future at God's feet (again), and I went to sleep.
Today, everything is back in torturous place--taunting me to contemplate it and roll it over in my mind and go right to the edge of complete and total breakdown/freak-out.
Deep Breath.
K helped me to talk some of this out last night. I think the main reason that graduating is so scary for me is that I had a plan for my life--a plan that isn't happening by the way--and it included me planning a wedding right now. I never imagined that I would graduate from college and not get married right away.
I always assumed that is what would happen...so now that it isn't happening I don't know what is going to happen. I know that God is going to take care of me, and that His plan is better, but there is fear in the unknown.
Yes, I am accepted to graduate school, but I don't know yet if I will be going to grad school. That depends on whether or not I have a way to pay for it. If I don't get a GA position, I can't go to grad school.
Deep Breath.
All I come back to is that God has me...I'm right there in the palm of His hand. He is still sovereign. He is still in control. He is swinging me up over a mud puddle and when my feet left the ground I started to freak out, but He still has a strong grip on me. He's not going to let me fall.
Peace out yo!
I'm going to make it.
Two months from tomorrow I will graduate from college. That doesn't seem possible. I don't feel like I am at all ready to graduate.
Last night K and I watched Post Grad. It did very little to lessen my nervousness about the 14th of May. I had to stop myself from thinking it over and over because it was late and that is never a good time to start contemplating something that is mildly scary. Who am I kidding...it's not mildly scary...it's quite scary. Anyway, I came home and laid my future at God's feet (again), and I went to sleep.
Today, everything is back in torturous place--taunting me to contemplate it and roll it over in my mind and go right to the edge of complete and total breakdown/freak-out.
Deep Breath.
K helped me to talk some of this out last night. I think the main reason that graduating is so scary for me is that I had a plan for my life--a plan that isn't happening by the way--and it included me planning a wedding right now. I never imagined that I would graduate from college and not get married right away.
I always assumed that is what would happen...so now that it isn't happening I don't know what is going to happen. I know that God is going to take care of me, and that His plan is better, but there is fear in the unknown.
Yes, I am accepted to graduate school, but I don't know yet if I will be going to grad school. That depends on whether or not I have a way to pay for it. If I don't get a GA position, I can't go to grad school.
Deep Breath.
All I come back to is that God has me...I'm right there in the palm of His hand. He is still sovereign. He is still in control. He is swinging me up over a mud puddle and when my feet left the ground I started to freak out, but He still has a strong grip on me. He's not going to let me fall.
Peace out yo!
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