Something Beautiful

Happy New Year's Eve!! I thought I would post one more blog in this decade before we get to the next...so here goes. First off - ways God has shown me that He loves me today: - fresh squeezed orange juice :) - the color teal - Sunshine on a winter's day - delicious sleep - TOMS Shoes just to name a few. I love finishing things. It brings me great delight deep down inside of my heart to finish something - a book I started, a task assigned, a project that's been sitting for a while. Something in me just doesn't feel right if I have an un-completion in my life somewhere. (Yes, un-completion is not a word, I just made it up). I think that is what drives me to continue with things, because otherwise I would just quit halfway through on so many things. "I am confident of this, that the One who began a good work among you will bring it to completion by the day of Jesus Christ." Philippians 1:6 I am so glad that I can be confident that God is not done working on me. H

Do not judge men by mere appearances; for the light laughter that bubbles on the lip often mantles over the depths of sadness, and the serious look may be the sober veil that covers a divine peace and joy. - Edward Chapin I was reminded tonight about something I am very passionate about. I didn't realize just how passionate I was about it until I realized how angry I get when people don't get it. That something is the way God sees His children. Our society runs so heavily on image, on impressions, and yet, most of the time what we glen off of image is not at all what is true about someone. As the quote above states, a person with light laughter may indeed be masking some great sadness and pain. A person with a somber countenance may have greater joy than you will ever know. But even that knowledge - that someone may not be who they appear to be - doesn't prevent us from making decisions about someone based on their appearance. It seems almost to be inherent human nature. Bu

There is something so intimidating about a blank page. It begs to be written on, and yet it desires something worthy of being written down. It longs to be used and trasnformed through the pen of a skillfull writer into a work of art. That, my friends, is a rather intimidating mandate. I like to think that my life is a blank page, just waiting for God to write my story down on it. However, whenever I make the decision to give God a blank sheet of paper for my life I can't seem to help but want to make it into a piece of artwork myself - without waiting on Him to do it. That blank sheet is just soooo tempting. The problem is...I am not an artist. I do a very poor job of making art. But that doesn't seem to stop me from trying. The end result is that I end up with a kindergarten finger painted sheet of paper instead of something rivaling The Starry Night. Why, oh why, can I not leave the painting up to the Master? And yet, there seems to be a very delicate balance between taking o

"For He satisfies the thirsty, and the hungry He fills with good things...He turns a desert into pools of water, a parched land into springs of water. And there He lets the hungry live, and they establish a town to live in; they sow fields, and plant vineyards, and get a fruitful yield. By His blessings they multiply greatly, and He does not let their cattle decrease." Psalm 107:9,35-38 A dear friend sent me a text with these verses in it today. And it was exactly what I needed to hear. God is so faithful!! Even when it doesn't seem like He is faithful, He is still faithful, always, 100% faithful. Oh, and a pic of the beach for H :)

I've been contemplating making New Year's resolutions. I'm sure I made some last year, but for the life of me I couldn't tell you what they were unless I looked them up in my journal. If I did, I think one of them was "Get Healthy"...that for sure I've kept. However, I don't know if I'll make resolutions this year. It seems like a good way to track my progress from one year to the next. To see how I've grown and changed in a year, but it also seems like most New Year's resolutions are long forgotten after February hits...as is proved by my non-rememberance of mine from a year ago. Besides that, I think I only have one resolution...for the rest of my life - Be what God wants me to be. Yeah...I think that about sums it up. Or in the words of John the Baptist: "He must increase, but I must decrease." John 3:30. John was willing to allow Jesus to increase, and he was willing to fade into the background, even until his death. I'd

I decided this morning that being sick is actually your body being 2-years old and having a temper tamtrum. I mean think about it seriously. Your body gets so cranky from lack of sleep and too much stress and decides that if you aren't going to do what it wants, then it will make you do what it wants. So it throws it's fit...complete with coughing, sneezing, fever, headaches, phlem, etc. And it makes you stop and take care of it. Then you have to baby it with hot tea and sleep and chicken noodle soup and lots of doing nothing. And if you push it too far, too fast, it rebels and throws another temper tantrum until you slow down again and do what it wants. I have been feeling very small lately because I have been seeing how big God is. I watched Louie Giglio's Indescribable video and one of the points of what he says is that we are really, really, really small, and that God is really, really, really big. Then yesterday I felt compelled to read in Job where God questions Job

I sit down to write this post as I watch snow blowing by outside as if it is bent on reaching Oklahoma! (I just had to put that exclaimation point in there) K blogged that she won't be blogging much because she has nothing to procrastinate. I on the other hand blog because I have nothing better to do with my time on vacation. I actually have to restrain myself from making multiple posts per day just simply because I have nothing else to do with my time...I know...pathetic. Anyway...as promised, a post about smiles. :) I was people watching in a coffeeshop about a week ago while I waited for the live music to begin and my friends to appear. As I watched friends interacting with each other, I enjoyed seeing them smile as they talked and enjoyed each others company. As I watched smile after smile light up the room, I sat and I wondered what a smile is. I mean, I technically know what a smile is. It is the muscles in the face contracting to pull your lips up at the corners. But what is

I was going to write a blog about smiles this morning, but just didn't quite feel up to that, so that will have to happen sometime in the future. In the mean time... Has anyone else ever wondered what's with the three wise guys? I mean in the story of Jesus' birth...they just come out of no where and suddenly there they are. Kings from the east, who got there by following a star, and came to worship a baby with gold, frankincense, and myrrh. Okay, for starters, this "star"...it had to have been one insane star because it shown both day and night...now I don't know about you, but during the day, the only star I can see is the sun. That means this star had to have been a supernatural phenomenon. That in itself is crazy and cool. Then there are the wise guys themselves...we don't know if there were actually three. We always just assume there were there because there were three gifts. But regardless, it doesn't really matter how many there were, these dude

I rarely have dreams that I remember...ususally when I do, they are super weird and make no coherant sense at all. So last night I had a dream that made sense (for the most part) but was still super weird and I remember all of it. Here's the essential run down of the dream. I had to get married...for some reason I'm not sure what...but it was kind of a life and death situation. Like if I didn't get married something bad was going to happen. (Can you already see the weirdness of this dream?) So I got the only guy friend I had who was available right then (mind you this is someone I would never marry in real life), and after a lot of running around and some serious confusion about the ceremony, we finally got married. Well it turns out that he was incredibly resentful at being forced into marrying me (even though he agreed to it), and so he decided that he would continue to act as though he were single, even though we were married. I on the other hand, decided that I was goin

I am sick...not the I could still go about life and just not feel well, but the I'm running a high temperature, feel like my head is going to explode, achy, nasty kind of sick. If I had to guess, I would say that stress and not enough sleep have brought this on. At least I have nothing that I need to do because I'm on vacation, and I'm also where my mummy can take care of me. I hate being sick when I'm not around my mum. Last night as I lay on the couch and watched as Mum made chicken noodle soup, I just had this strong feeling that I needed to praise God despite not feeling well. I was supremely convicted because I feel like I do a good job of praising when all is well, but that isn't my reaction when things aren't going well (i.e. when I'm sick). I am trying to praise Him through this, and yet it is difficult...I turn into a big baby when I get sick. I'm just glad that God is still God. He is still good. He is still faithful. He is still sovereign. He

It's late...I wonder how many of my blog posts contain those words...and here I am once again posting a blog late into the morning. And I do have a 6 hour drive and a million things to do today...sigh. Ah well...it was worth it. I find it interesting that no matter how much my heart aches, I never seem to get used to the feeling. And it was aching pretty good tonight. How is it that when I am surrounded by people I love, and good company and fantastic music that I can still feel so alone and aching inside. Now that didn't stop me from having my bit of fun my last night in SGF, but several times tonight, I thought I might have to go find somewhere to have a private moment and cry my tears out. I asked H tonight what it was about music that is so attractive. She responded with a quote which I won't attempt to replicate, but the point of said quote was that music is the language of the soul. It speaks directly to the heart. It bypasses words which are imperfect and cannot expl

In a book study that I have been in at Potter's House this semester, we have talked about how important it is for young women to have positive role models. And yet it is so difficult to find women who are positive and encouraging role models. I just realized the other day when I was talking to a friend about the Bible, that the women listed in the genealogy of Jesus are positive role models...now when you first look at their lives, perhaps not. One was a prostitute. One slept with her father-in-law and became pregnant with his children (she had twins). One seduced and spent the night with a man who was not her husband (she also happened to be from a people God told the Israelites never to marry). One committed adultery. And one became pregnant while engaged to be married...and her fiance had no idea how she came to be in such a compromised situation. However, when we take a closer look at these women's lives, we find amazing stories of strong, courageous women who had incredibl

I was given a hard time tonight because I haven't blogged in a couple of days...well...I've been busy, but I will try to throw a few thoughts out there for all you lovely people to read. I have been working my favorite job for the past several days. I love actually working at PoHo, but it has given me a little bit crazier days...and nights. Last night, for instance, K and R and I decided to watch Pride and Prejudice at 12:30...yep...so I didn't get to bed until 3:30-3:45ish... Then I woke up this morning around 8...another short night...I've got to stop this sometime...yeah, like that's ever gonna happen. I think my days of up at 6 in bed at 10 have gone away forever. Life goes on. I had my last finals today. I'm glad to be done. One semester left before I graduate. Wow! I can't believe that it is almost graduation...my life is rapidly spinning away before my eyes... I talked to the department head about switching my section for senior research seminar today

H and I were talking about sterotypes earlier today. And I realized that I really don't fit any sterotypes...yep that's right...I cannot be put into a box. That makes me glad in my heart...cause I hate sterotypes - passionately! Sterotypes are simply when people are too lazy to get to know someone and just slap a label on them. I hate when people do that. Don't put a label on me...get to know me...cause I probably don't fit any of your labels anyway. I used to try to sterotype myself...because that made it easy for me to hide who I really am from people. I could slap a label of "nerd" or "shy" or "stoic" or "loner" on myself and show that to everyone around me - and they wouldn't have to know the real me and I wouldn't have to share my heart with them. That's so much safer, so much easier. Sterotypes really are the easy way out. It is easy and painfree when you sterotype yourself. Relationships are shallow, but easy. I

The big day has finally arrived!!! Here shortly I'm leaving for the church with H, 5 pots of coffee, a huge container of sweet tea, and various odds and ends in tow. I was sitting in bed this morning reflecting on this day and journaling. I am so overjoyed for my friends, and yet at the same time it is a little hard for me to see two more friends marry off. So I told God that, and then I set it aside. Today is their day...I can worry about how I'm feeling later. I am excited to see CB in her wedding dress! She is going to be one beautiful bride!! And she told me this morning that she and BC would name their first born after me for my assistance with their wedding...YES!! :) This morning I got the best Christmas gift...EVER!! My fantastic roomie, B, set up for me to have a massage with her friend K. That was the best thing ever! Well, THE wedding is calling me away...peace out..safe

Here I sit, eating my dinner of scrambled eggs at 1:30 in the morning, slightly exhausted and waiting on a cake to come out of the oven so I can get to bed. I am ready for Christmas break for one specific reason...I can't wait to sleep. I feel like I have been going, going, going forever, and I just want a break. I realize that by the time the first week of break is over, I will be ready to be going and doing things again, but it will be nice to be gone for a bit. I need to find time to do laundry...because it is beginning to take over my bathroom floor...I wish I was kidding...but no I am not. There is a small perimeter around the edge...I fear, however, that it will soon begin to creep into the closet as well. Therefore, it will be necessary for me to wash clothes soon. Tomorrow is going to be a crazy day. Chiro, discipleship, GAL pics, going away lunch, shower for CB, and then working until close at PoHo again tomorrow night. I think I closed up everything correctly tonight....s

There is something about this time of the year that just leads me to introspective thinking...I'm not quite sure what it is. May be the ending of one year, the beginning of another, the writing of the family Christmas letter, reminders of the past...who knows. Whatever it is, I have been in an introspective mood...which is good for writing said Christmas letter... Christmas letter aside, I have been thinking about change a lot lately. This has been such a year of change for me. Around a year ago, I learned that I was truly alright being alone (and by alone I mean single). What a marvelous day that was...well, it was actually night, a cold night with tons of stars and praise music. It was wonderful. This has been a year of being content in my own skin. It has been a year of surprises, of beaches, of travel, of heartsickness, of pain, of purification, or refinement, of growth. The list could go on and on. God has done so much in my life this year. I thought back to high school the ot

It's gross out...rainy and cold. I really am trying to overcome my issues with winter and cold, but it is a serious struggle for me. Days like today I just don't want to leave my house. I want to curl back up under my snuggly covers and read a book all day long. I want to drink lots of hot tea and bake cookies...I do not want to go to class and work and be out in this nastiness. The thing is if it were summer and rainy like this I would love to go out. It would be warm and I would not wear any shoes and I would have a fantastic time. But it's not summer. If I went out with no shoes my feet would be even more frozen than they already are. Sigh. I just blogged for the first time on the Magdalene Project blog . Check it out. Well, I need to get to some school work. Peace out girl scout...get it thin mint cookies, girl scout...safe

I am in the process of waking up, so as I wait for my brain juice to begin flowing and for my coffee to cool a little, I thought I would blog for a minute. I need to finish up my papers that are due today, but an awake brain is necessary for that. I had a very interesting conversation on Saturday with someone we shall call Juan...mind you a conversation that left me wanting to scream and yell and shank someone...but an interesting conversation none-the-less. Conversations about God are always interesting. Some of what was talked about was very - in my opinion - silly and a waste of my time, but there was one thing that happened that showed me something really wonderful. We were talking about predestination. This can be a kind of touchy subject, but after hearing many other people discuss it and studying the passages and spending time in God's presence I have come to my conclusion about predestination vs. free will. I was sharing this conclusion, and then there ensued a debate about

Resting...it's important. Today is Sunday...according to my computer it still is Sunday for another 2 minutes...where did this day go?? Anyway...Sunday's are a day of rest for me. My Sabbath. Why? God commands it...check it...in the 10 commandments...You shall keep the sabbath day and make it holy. Holy: set apart. It is not to be a day like all the other days...it is an expression of trust in God to provide for all our needs in 6 days while the rest of the world works for 7. Also...I just need it. I need a day to take a break and just chill. I need a day that I don't cram full of other things to do. I need a day where it is okay for me to take an afternoon nap. I don't remember when I decided that I wouldn't do homework on Sundays...I think it has been almost 2 years now. I decided that God gives me enough time the rest of the week to accomplish everything that I need to do without me craming one more day with homework, etc. I get violent about not doing my homewor

A dear friend is getting married. She was my freshman Bible study leader. She introduced me to GAL. She works at PoHo...and she's marrying a young man she met there. I like to take a little credit for it, because another friend and I "prayed it into existence". Now we realize that all of this probably could have come about without our prayers, but we did pray intensely for it for a long time. Someday I guess we'll know how much influence we actually had in it...until then...we'll take credit. :) She is getting married one week from today. And tonight I'm helping throw her bachelorette party. It's gonna be a good time...and hopefully we will be able to embarrass her along the way...just a little bit. CB be warned. ;) God is Good. He brought these two young people together, and my prayer for them is that He will be glorified through their marriage. Now as much I as like to take credit for them getting together, God still would have been Good if they hadn'

I greatly dislike hanging out with people because I feel obligated to hang out with them...not becuase I really want to. I especially dislike it when I have another option that is more appealing. However, me gusta mucho escuchar la muisca de Lee Ellen Starks. Ella comence a las 7 y "finished" a las 10. Muy bien!!! Fantasitico!! I saw several friends who came in to listen as well, so it was a fun evening. I, however, have accomplished nothing on my econmetrics paper, which means tomorrow is going to be a very interesting day. We'll see how that goes. Once I finish running all my tests, the paper will basically write itself...I just need to run the tests. Then I also need to write my Spanish composition which is due Monday as well...sigh...so much homework. I was contemplating today why we procrastinate homework. I decided it was because we don't really like it, but then I was struck by the paradox of this. College students are supposed to be getting degrees in somethin

I am in a wilderness season...the wilderness of waiting...the wilderness of unmet desire. [For anyone going through this season...a great book is Wilderness Skills for Women by Miriam Jordan.] That being said, I have decided that I want to find joy in the middle of this wilderness. Joy is the second fruit of the Spirit...right behind Love. Now I have no idea if the fruits of the Spirit were written in order of importance or not, but those two seem pretty important to me. This afternoon as K and I were praying I was reminded of how important it is for me to remember the little things in life that bring me joy...which in turn point me to the one who brings me Joy. Trust me there is a difference between joy and Joy....it's the capital J... The rest of this blog entry is going to be just that...also, I almost didn't blog tonight...because it's late and I really should have been in bed an hour ago, but several things just prompted me to write. Things that bring me joy Laughing w

What a day!! Is it over yet? Not quite...still need some Jesus time...still need to figure some things out. My heart is in shambles...but what else is new?? I'm eating my dinner of cereal at midnight...but what else is new?? Did I really just write a parallism with my heart and cereal???? wow...I must be more tired than I thought, or maybe I'm just that fed up with stuff. Part of me wants to yell and rant at God...why is He making me go through this???....and then the other part of me steps in and asks now what's the use of that? God hears me just as well when I cry as when I yell...and He hears me just as much when I simply talk to Him...there is nothing mature about yelling at Him, especially when He told me what was happening to start with. But it's not really the what that I'm concerned with as it is the why. There are many things that I do not understand...and when I don't understand, I can call out to God and I can trust that He will tell me as much or as

It's late and I should be in bed already...2 year olds for 3 hours tomorrow morning...it will come much too soon, but I had two cups of coffee tonight, so I'm unwinding a bit. My psychoanalysis of Sherlock Holmes is well underway, and I will have more than enough time to finish it tomorrow before class. I also have my Spanish skit tomorrow...quieres un agua??...so I look forward to finishing that...I will be able to scratch those two things off my list tomorrow. My paper that I thought was due Thursday which was actually due Friday got moved to being due on Monday, which is nice. I still want to have it done by Friday, so I can proof it once over the weekend and turn it in on Monday...if I actually do get it done that would probably be the first time I have not been up the night before a paper is due finishing it. I had an awesome 3 hour conversation with L tonight in book study. She is so wonderful to talk to, and it was just some really good heart talk...and some good laughs