Cereal at Midnight

What a day!! Is it over yet? Not quite...still need some Jesus time...still need to figure some things out. My heart is in shambles...but what else is new?? I'm eating my dinner of cereal at midnight...but what else is new?? Did I really just write a parallism with my heart and cereal???? wow...I must be more tired than I thought, or maybe I'm just that fed up with stuff.

Part of me wants to yell and rant at God...why is He making me go through this???....and then the other part of me steps in and asks now what's the use of that? God hears me just as well when I cry as when I yell...and He hears me just as much when I simply talk to Him...there is nothing mature about yelling at Him, especially when He told me what was happening to start with.

But it's not really the what that I'm concerned with as it is the why. There are many things that I do not understand...and when I don't understand, I can call out to God and I can trust that He will tell me as much or as little as I need to know.

I felt like I passed a threshold when I realized that I don't have to yell at God. He knows how I feel. He understands better than I can ever imagine. He made me for Heaven's sake!

I saw someone tonight who I haven't seen in probably 9 months and who I haven't talked to (with the exception of a couple sentences) since May. Then suddenly...Surprise!

As if I needed another reminder that my heart is unsatisfied and unfulfilled...Hello! I'm your past. Remember me? I feel like my heart is mourning all over again, but in a different way.

All I want to do now is find a way to dance through the mourning.

Comments

  1. Hannah Elizabeth03 December, 2009

    Dance baby DANCE...ha..:-)...ok so that probably didn't help buuuuut....I heart you. And I don't know how this is possible but Jesus hearts you more.

    ReplyDelete

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