Something Beautiful

This is my countdown: 2 days of classes + 1 assignment + 1 portfolio + 2 tests + 1 paper + 1 presentation (after today) ---------------------------- Graduation I did not want to get out of bed this morning. I wanted to stay cuddled up in my quilt and enjoy the sunshine streaming through my blinds with half open eyelids. I have my mock presentation of my research today. I'm not nervous because that would mean that I actually care about how it goes, and I stopped caring quite a while ago. I'm going to graduate...that's the bottom line. I was kind of hoping that this weekend would be a lot more chill than last weekend, but it isn't shaping up to look that way. It's all good stuff, but I'm looking forward to a day that has nothing planned. I have to make something to take to a lunch tomorrow. I have no idea what I'm going to make. And I have a dinner on Sunday to make something for...gotta decide on that too...decisions are just so difficult sometimes. I had a d

I saw a bumper sticker the other morning that said "Stop blaming your narrow minded prejudice on Jesus." I was so saddened by this. What experience could have been so awful and traumatic to this person to cause he or she to put that bumper sticker on the back of a car? There is so much hate and bigotry and misunderstanding and anger and hurt in the world...sometimes it just overwhelms me, and I can't help but cry for the pain that is in the world. I'm rather tired, but the end is in sight. Three days of class. Two presentations. Three assignments. A portfolio. A final paper. Then graduation. I'm so glad the end is in sight that I'm almost giddy with delight. (I did not mean to make that rhyme...oops) I just had an awesome victory, though. I got all of the letters that I was sending out on behalf of Potter's House addressed, sealed, stamped and put in the mailbox. I get to scratch that off my list. Now on to the phone calls...yeah, that's the part I dre

You know when you've had a really bad week, and then all of a sudden something completely unexpected happens and makes everything so much better because it is just that perfect little blessing that you needed so much? Well, that happened to me today. Last week was crappy. Between research and no sleep and stress and did I mention no sleep, it was just a crappy week. I'm not saying there weren't good things. I had some good times, and I enjoyed spending time with friends and lots of other good things. I had some good God time, and I definitely felt God's presence with me through all of it. But at the same time it was just not a good week. Those happen. Life happens. Well, today I have done a whole lot of nothing. After last week and my crazy weekend, I just couldnt' handle anything more today, so I ignored life today (not really, but kind of). And then I had this wonderful, completely out of the blue, unexpected blessing. So way back in March I applied for a scholars

Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective. Elijah was a man just like us. He prayed earnestly that it would not rain, and it did not rain on the land for three and a half years. ~ James 5:16-17 Clouds I serve a God of impossibilities. He has proven Himself to me so many times--times that He didn't have to prove Himself and yet did anyway because He is good and merciful. Because He has proven Himself, that is what I have come to expect out of Him. I have seen the impossible, so I expect the impossible. Elijah was a man who experienced the impossible on a daily basis. The verses at the start of this post refer to 1 Kings 17 where Elijah prays that there will be no rain on the land as a punishment of a wicked king of Israel. During this time of drought, Elijah saw daily how God is a God of the impossible. For starters, he was fed by ravens for a long time. Then when he had to

There is something so refreshing about the way a child views the world. Everything is fresh and exciting and fun. A yard stick can give as much enjoyment as a large box. Bubbles are the world's greatest invention. Splashing your toes around in the pool is the second greatest invention. Nothing is boring. Little toes and feet are so cute!!! I am blessed to get to watch my cousin, Kodi, a couple times a year. I almost wasn't able to make it today, but I'm so glad I did. It is good for my heart. It is good for my perspective of life and the world in general to see through a child's eyes again. Try it sometime...life will suddenly become so much more alluring and fascinating. There is so much we can learn from those who are learning for the first time. I think that's why God allows us to be parents. life's joys I realized today that I enjoy rediscovering things that I love doing. For instance taking pictures. For the longest time I didn't pick up my camera and n

I was going to blog yesterday, but several factors stopped me--mostly though I just had no words. That is an unusual occurrence for me, but there it was. It is probably for the best because it would not have been an uplifting or encouraging or even just a mediocre blog post. It would have been an outright pity party. Instead, I spent a lot of time venting to others, being crabby, and then crying out to God. This is not going to be the blog post I was going to write yesterday. This is going to be a blog that talks about God's faithfulness because, my friends, God is faithful...in ALL circumstances. So yesterday in my horrible, no good, very bad day, God gave me a couple of little gifts. The first was some new insight into a story that I have read several times. I was praying at one point and asking God to move in my life and the lives of the people around me and all I heard was "for such a time as this." This is a verse from Esther. Esther 4:14 to be exact. This is what Es

Life has been insane. That's part of the reason I haven't blogged in several days. The rest of the reason is that I just don't know what to say. I haven't been checking in with my heart because it is too messy and too complicated for me to deal with right now. I am compartmentalizing my life. One day at a time. One task at a time. One moment at a time. I can't think about what is to come or what is behind. All I can focus on is this moment. My brain is so stressed out that it literally is bouncing all over the place like a 4 year old who has had too much sugar. And like that same 4 year old I'm waiting for the crash. I'm just praying that the crash doesn't come before the end of the semester. This also makes it difficult for me to focus. My brain wants to go in so many directions and I can't seem to make it settle down. It is such a catch 22 because I want to be focused on all that I have to do, but I can't seem to stay on it for longer than 2 mi

I'm sick of compromise in my life. Of settling for less when I could wait for more. Of mediocre when I could have extraordinary. Of compromise instead of intense focus on God. I'm letting go of me and holding onto God. May His Name ever be praised!! Letting Go - Francesca Battistelli Peace out yo!

So I was at home the other night before midnight (a strange occurrence in itself) and I decided to have a leftover piece of my birthday cake whilst sitting in my hammock on my deck. It was such a beautiful night. I lay down and was enjoying my cake, and I had a wonderful revelation. I was thinking about Pride and Prejudice (for some unknown reason), and I thought about how Elizabeth really got an amazing man in Darcy. I mean, really, he was the catch to catch. I never thought before, though, that if Elizabeth had settled for Mr. Collins, she never would have gotten Mr. Darcy. I think it's because we all know that Elizabeth and Darcy are supposed to end up together. You can tell from the beginning of the book that they are really perfect for each other and they are meant to be together. So we never think what would have happened if she would have listened to her mother and what society said over what she believed to be true of herself. She knew that she deserved better than Mr. Coll

...But it's worth it and there are pictures, so hang in there...please. Here is the blog I promised about the amazing-ness that was my birthday this year...along with a few things I have learned in the process. I am the most blessed person in the world. I have such amazing family and friends...and you all touch my life in ways you can never even imagine. It all started with an early present from LE...who brought me this beautiful scarf back from Malaysia...what a wonderful and beautiful addition to my multi-national scarf collection. It has already been worn several times, and I can tell you that it will see much more use as time goes by. Thanks LE!! Then there was an amazing day where I received flowers with a beautiful message attached that both encouraged me and brought me to tears...these beautiful flowers were the amazing result of my beautiful sister hearing me and acting upon that. What a blessing to be known and understood and loved in such an amazing way!! I know these wer

I love coffee. And I love jazz. And when you put the two together... oh my, oh my. That was my evening. Coffee and Jazz. I wrote a poem about it. The smelly salt of sweat infuses my nostrils as the reek of humanity swells around me. At times the stench is stronger as if to remind me that we are all alive. I breathe through my mouth to avoid the scent. With this many people in one room you can't help the smell. In my quiet corner I sip my coffee and ponder how Thank You and Welcome can be only two words. In a moment it won't matter. Smooth jazz, Poetry, and good coffee. All other senses are dulled as I breath, think, drink poetry. So there's my poem for the evening. A lot of people don't like jazz...they say it's too random or too whatever. But for me, it's almost like in the chaotic melodies my heart has found the beat to its song. Music is the language of the soul...I've said that before. Jazz is the melody of my soul. A little something beautiful for you:

Yesterday was my birthday...I'm 22 years old now. That seems so old, and yet I know that it isn't. Age is just a number--unless you make it more. I often feel like I'm working backward in age...I used to be 45 and now I'm more like 25. Odd concept, I know, but that's how I feel a lot of the time. Things I have discovered today: I like cleaning much better than research. Sometimes you just need a little help from someone who actually knows what they are doing. I can afford to pay for graduate school. I would still like to have a GA position, though. I am sometimes like Doug from UP. Squirrel! Anyway...I received many lovely presents from friends and family, and I will be posting pictures of them soon. I am so incredibly blessed by God and by the wonderful people in my life. Well, I need to put my nose back to the grindstone and finish my assignment for senior research...since it was due a week ago. Some tunes (Yes, I'm on a Lee Ellen kick): People Get Ready - Le

I am currently addicted to this song: One Day - Matisyahu I am so longing for one day when the world will be right. I long for the return of Jesus--for that one day when fighting will cease, when there will be peace and rest. I long for the day when we will all be united and live as one. I realize that this sounds rather hippiesque...but hey some of my best friends are hippies...well sort of. But seriously, one of the things that really bothers me about the church is our lack of unity as the body of Christ. We are His inheritance, His radiant Bride. Yet we quarrel about stupid stuff and are so far from what we really should be. That's why I long for the one day when we will all see as we ought to see and live as we ought to live and we will finally abide in Christ as one. Well, I'm running a 5K in the morning, so I need to catch some ZZZ's... Peace out yo!

I have discovered the secret to avoiding awkward situations... things are only awkward if you make them awkward. Think about it. We take our cues from the people around us. If someone else is trying to make you feel awkward, and you just ignore it and go on with life...then they will stop. I was in a situation tonight that could have been awkward, if I had made it that way, but I choose not to. As a result I ended up having a great conversation and was very encouraged and uplifted from it. Anyway...this is going to be short because it has been a very long day and I have a lot of homework to do tomorrow...so tomorrow is going to be a very long day. We finally covered Philippians 3 in Bible Study tonight...so excited to move on. Also, I am greatly enjoying playing chess with a good friend...we are having about a weekly match up. Good times!! I'm getting better, so we'll see if I'm able to eventually pull off a win. Funny how God grants little desires of our hearts. I always k

I heard this song on the radio yesterday...I also realized that I hadn't listened to the radio in a very long time...why listen to commercials when I can listen to the voice of an angel on a cd? Anyway...I heard this song, and as I was already thinking about changing the title of my blog this just really made me take that final step to change it. Something Beautiful. Listen to the words...such a great song. I am really awake to how faithful God is. He is sooooo good to us. I read Isaiah 54 this morning. Sing, O barren one who did not bear; burst into song and shout, you who have not been in labor! For the children of the desolate woman will be more than the children of her that is married, says the LORD. Enlarge the site of your tent, and let the curtains of your habitations be stretched out; do not hold back; lengthen your cords and strengthen your stakes. For you will spread out to the right and to the left, and your descendants will possess the nations and will settle the desol

I am officially going to do one of the craziest things I have ever done in my life... I just bought my plane ticket...non-refundable...and I will be traveling to New Zealand this summer for two weeks!!! Ahhhhh!!! So excited!! That also means that I HAVE to graduate...nope, I can't drop my research class...as much as I want to. Why do I have to graduate? Because that is the deal I made with myself to motivate myself. No graduate, No New Zealand. Graduate = New Zealand. I don't think there was ever any doubt that I would graduate, but this is just my little insurance policy to myself that I will... "See! The winter is past; the rains are over and gone. Flowers appear on the earth; the season of singing has come" Song of Solomon 2:11,12 I think these verses aptly fit my life right now...as well as the weather outside. I just can seem to stop singing...it's...delightful. (Insert satisfied sigh here). I am acutely aware of noticing beauty right now--it's always e

I have often thought of my mind as a dusty library (from the era when they still used the dewy decimal system and you had to find the card in the catalog). All of my memories are stacked on shelves in neat little boxes. Some I open frequently, and some I rarely touch, but they are all there...sitting in their neat little boxes, waiting for me to pull out the catalog and find the card that tells me where they are. I realized yesterday, because of some specific circumstances, that most of these memories are contained in picture form. I have always loved that scene from Elizabethtown where Kirsten Dunst looks after Orlando Bloom and holds up her hands and snaps a picture of him walking away. I feel like it is taking a picture and storing it in your heart to look back on later. I do that in my life...not always shown by the physical action of taking a picture with my fingers, but nevertheless, I take the moments that touch me and store them in my heart. There they sit waiting to have their

A delightful visit from a dear friend. An impromptu nap in a hammock. Owl City. Sitting in the park and reading a good book. Fresh squeezed lemonade--with mango rum. Askinosie chocolate. Sparkling water. Just a few things that have made this day incredibly wonderful. It does not seem like this weekend is Easter. I feel like all the holidays this year have just snuck up on me. Even crazier, my birthday is a week after Easter. I can't believe that it's that time of year again. This year has flown by. I think time goes faster the older you get...and I am rapidly getting older. A friend asked me last fall if I had ever been kidnapped for my birthday (I use kidnapped in the sense that your friends take you somewhere and have a party planned or something to that end, not in the sense of actually being taken by force.). I haven't. I then explained that no one has ever surprised me for my birthday, but that it is usually my fault. You see, I am very difficult to surprise. I might n