and the sky began to lighten

Life has been insane. That's part of the reason I haven't blogged in several days. The rest of the reason is that I just don't know what to say. I haven't been checking in with my heart because it is too messy and too complicated for me to deal with right now. I am compartmentalizing my life. One day at a time. One task at a time. One moment at a time. I can't think about what is to come or what is behind. All I can focus on is this moment.

My brain is so stressed out that it literally is bouncing all over the place like a 4 year old who has had too much sugar. And like that same 4 year old I'm waiting for the crash. I'm just praying that the crash doesn't come before the end of the semester.

This also makes it difficult for me to focus. My brain wants to go in so many directions and I can't seem to make it settle down. It is such a catch 22 because I want to be focused on all that I have to do, but I can't seem to stay on it for longer than 2 minutes.

I realize that this seems to contradict what I wrote above about one thing at a time. That's because the there are two different sides of my brain having a war with each other right now. The one side is saying: Be still. Rest. Quiet. Calm. The other side is bouncing off the walls and hanging upside down from the chandelier.

Because of all of that, I have just given up on myself. It's exhausting trying to tune in with both of these and figure out the mess, so I'm ignoring it. The result...

when my friend and mentor asked me yesterday how I was, I had no reply.

I'm stretched beyond my limits right now and the only thing holding me together is God.

But, I just got a call for an interview about a job I applied for, so I have an interview on Friday morning, and I'm hoping that it will go well. And research sucks...the end.

Peace out yo!

Comments

  1. Hannah Elizabeth21 April, 2010

    I feel like I wrote this blog post.

    I'm right there with you girl. We'll get through it somehow!

    ReplyDelete

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