Something Beautiful

I like my chocolate dark and preferably with cocoa nibs in it. Bittersweet it is called by some. Less sweet, more chocolate. I used to only like the sweet stuff, but I can hardly stand it anymore. I crave that distinct tangy-ness of good dark chocolate. Right now, on my last day living in Springfield, my life is dark chocolate. Bittersweet. This change, this move, is a good thing. It is good for me. It is sweet in so many ways. I have so much to look forward to. I have so many new opportunities and experiences before me.  But it is also a tiny bit bitter. For the last month I have been quietly saying goodbye. Mentally taking note. My last time doing this. My last time going here. My last time having this.  Tomorrow morning I will pack my things into a trailer and drive away in my car. And yes, I will be back. I may even live here again one day. Who knows? But for now I have to leave. I have to leave behind some of the most beautiful and deep friendships I have ever had. I h

I love writing. I always have. If I want to process something there is nothing better than a pen and paper. I have shelves of journals recording the last 13 years of my life. I have boxes of letters received in response to those I wrote. I have notebooks filled with scribbles, pages of scenes I have seen only in my imagination. I have scraps of poetry floating around amist my stuff. I write like I read, bits and pieces of everything.  I like to write because it takes me a while to process. I will think about things for a long time before I am ready to respond. I think about questions and conversations for weeks, months, and even years. And I like to write because it allows me to say everything I want to say in the manner that I want to say it. It let's me organize my thoughts so I don't mess up what I want to say.  My sweet, wonderful real life friend (and fellow blogger) and I were talking about this recently. We were talking about how writing allows us to be so much more vuln

Vulnerable. I both love and loath the word. God keeps asking me to live like this, to live open and soft in a world that isn't always warm and caring. Not just vulnerable with the few people who are close to me, but vulnerable with the people He places in my path. To live life with people, but also to let them live life with me.  This is difficult for me under normal circumstances, but in two and a half weeks I'm moving somewhere new, to begin a new chapter in this story called life. Anyone who I have talked to about this has seen my smile, my excitement for a new adventure, my longing for change. But what no one has seen are the tears that I have cried, the inner anguish I have gone through. No one has seen how this decision has rent my heart in two. This is not how I would have written my story.  I would not have written a chapter where I move away from the home I picked for myself and the life I built. The story I would have written would have included a house with a big bac