write. talk. live.

I love writing. I always have. If I want to process something there is nothing better than a pen and paper. I have shelves of journals recording the last 13 years of my life. I have boxes of letters received in response to those I wrote. I have notebooks filled with scribbles, pages of scenes I have seen only in my imagination. I have scraps of poetry floating around amist my stuff. I write like I read, bits and pieces of everything. 

I like to write because it takes me a while to process. I will think about things for a long time before I am ready to respond. I think about questions and conversations for weeks, months, and even years. And I like to write because it allows me to say everything I want to say in the manner that I want to say it. It let's me organize my thoughts so I don't mess up what I want to say. 

My sweet, wonderful real life friend (and fellow blogger) and I were talking about this recently. We were talking about how writing allows us to be so much more vulnerable, and yet at the same time it is so much less vulnerable. Yes, writing has all the benefits of allowing me to express what I want to say after I have thought about it and hashed it all out in my mind. But I must never substitute writing for conversation. 

With writing I get to be vulnerable, but it is vulnerability that I have chosen. I get to decide exactly what I share and how I share it. That means that I have all the power in the conversation. Real conversation in real relationship isn't like that. While I may want to think about a question someone asks me for weeks, months or even years, I can't do that in real life. Real conversation can get messy. There is opportunity for misunderstanding and misspeaking. My speech and responses aren't always smooth and clear. I stumble to find the words I want to speak and the way I want to say things. Real conversations require a different level of vulnerability because having a conversation with someone means allowing them to have power in the conversation as well. 

I think that there is beauty in both types of communication. And as many of my close friends can attest, I love having long, deep, thoughtful conversations. I am trying to learn to be intentional about making sure I engage in both, that I'm not substituting one for the other because there is no substitute for a life-giving conversation nor is there a substitute for well written, life-giving words. Both have a place and serve a purpose.