Something Beautiful

of the end...yes, this is really happening. I am going to graduate. We talked about induction and the last GAL meeting at our meeting tonight. This really is my last GAL meeting . Where have the last three years gone? I should be hearing about a GA position this week (hopefully). I can't help but feel optimistic... feel hope well up within my soul. Yes, there is the fear that I won't be offered a job as a GA, but the hope still remains. Yes, it will feel like a crash landing if I am not offered a job, but at the same time I would rather endure the crash for the joy of having soared for a few moments. I just discovered tonight, that I actually don't have an assignment due tomorrow for my research...and I think I have a solution figured out for the problem I ran into while developing my model. My research is slowly, painfully, but surely developing into a concrete paper. What a relief! And tomorrow is my only day of class this week because we have Thursday and Friday off for

I feel like I am constantly on the look out for beauty in life. Granted, there are days when I wake up and I definitely don't want to look for the beauty in life, but for the most part, I try to find beauty in all circumstances. There is beauty to be found in the love of parents for their children and vice versa. There is beauty in the joy of the company a good friend provides. There is beauty in the peace that is found when your heart finds a home. There is beauty in quiet moments that don't mean anything to anyone but me (you know those moments...the ones that touch your heart and give you the warmth of summer in the middle of winter). I had a beautiful moment last night. I was sitting listening to a musician play the guitar and feeling the safe blanket of home and love and peace surround me. I was looking at pictures of people from far lands that I someday hope to explore. I was just overwhelmed by how so many people come together to make a little house a home. We each leave

The day that declares the season of Spring actually has very little to do with when Spring truly arrives. This year, for instance, the last day of Winter was 70 degrees and the first day of Spring was 35 and snowing. However, I think with that one last parting shot, Winter has in fact departed from our midst... In celebration of beautiful weather I went to the park and took pictures today. Here are a few of my favorites. Gotta Love the Ducks! Daffodils!!! More Daffodils!! Look at all those happy yellow flowers! This is my favorite part of the year. What joy and delight to see everything come back to life...to be born anew! A wise woman once said that for 30 minutes every day you should do something that you enjoy. This was my 30 minutes today. I so enjoyed going to the park and taking pictures. I think there is something about not just being around beauty, but attempting to capture a beautiful picture that makes me feel closer to God. Not only that, but also taking pictures of flowers

There is a saying that talks about the friends we have in our lives. It says that people come into our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime. The people who are there for a reason are there for a specific reason. They teach you something or help you through a specific time in your life, etc. Then for no reason whatsoever they are just gone. You no longer have a purpose for them to be in your life, so they aren't. The people who are there for a season are there to help you grow or share or learn. They are only there for a season, though. Then there are the lifetime people. These people are people who are in your life for life. They are people who have lifetime lessons to teach you. They are people who cannot not be in your life. I think that I subconsciously think that all of my friendships fall into the first two categories. I am worried that I am only a person in someone's life for a reason or a season. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to accomplish a

O Glourious Spring! How delightful you are!! Please be here to stay. Theme song for the day: Oh What A Day - Ingrid Michaelson --Yes, I am kind of on an Ingrid kick. Even research cannot ruin this day. And I realized today, that next week I only have one day of classes...how cool is that?! I didn't realize how difficult it was going to be not to drink caffeine. I got up this morning and I had to dig for decaf tea...yep, I need to replenish my stash of decaf tea cause basically everything I have is caffeinated. Lame. And I really wanted a honey latte earlier...still kind of do...in fact, I might have to give in and have one to take to class...I said I was going to cut back on my caffeine, not eliminate it entirely...excuses, excuses...I just don't have it in me to completely give it up. I just love coffee too much. But if you want to read about my love for coffee you can read my other blog... I love having friendships where if you don't see each other for 24 hours you miss

Life isn't about waiting for the storm to pass. It's about learning to dance in the rain. A Montana Storm When I went to the bank today, this quote was on a post-it note in the teller's work space. I liked it so much that I wrote it down. I think I often get caught up in trying to weather the storms that life throws my way. I think my focus is misplaced. Just like this quote says, I shouldn't be looking at the great clouds and boarding up the windows to wait for it to blow over. I should rejoice in the moment (for all too soon it will be over) and I should find my feet and dance away. I'm not sure I have ever blogged about this before...but I am not a great dancer...in fact, I am not even a good dancer. And I am very self-conscious about my dancing. I hope to someday be a good dancer, and yet, like most things in life, I will never get there if I don't practice. Later: Right now all my mind wants to think about is not my empirical model for my research. I swear

I have the initial approval from mis padres to continue with my plans to go to New Zealand. This song kind of epitomizes how I feel right now. Far Away - Ingrid Michaelson I checked out two guidebooks from the library today about New Zealand. I am so excited!! I finished Long Way Down (written and experienced by Charley Boorman and Ewan McGregor) sitting in the library today. There's nothing quite like finishing a book about travels to a far away place. It makes you want to go have another adventure. I just spent the past three weeks journeying through Europe and Africa on the back of a motorcycle. I felt the sweltering heat of the desert. I saw the pain of a landmine-wrecked village in the Ethiopian highlands. I experienced the wonder of Victoria Falls and the thrill of a bungee jump from a bridge in the thundering presence of the falls. I saw the beauty of the sun melting into a pat of butter over the desert followed by the exquisite blue-ness of the African night sky. And I fel

Two days of sunshine have rejuvenated me so that I can endure until the next time the sun shows us its bright shining face. And I will take rain over snow and sleet any day. I may or may not have decided yesterday that I want to take a trip to New Zealand this summer. In fact, I started looking at plane tickets and dates that would work for me to go meet up with some of my friends who will be down there. I feel like this is mildly impulsive, but I do have reasoning behind my somewhat uncharacteristic behavior. Usually, I am completely reliable and steady as a rock. I don't do anything unexpected or have any adventures. Okay, so I don't technically believe that. I think everyday is an adventure, but you know what I mean. I don't usually just take off and do things like this. Usually, big trips (like the kind this would be) are planned many, many months in advance (usually at least a year). I guess I am very much like a hobbit in this matter. I stay home and take care of my r

I think every day of the year you can have the blues...except today...when you can only have the greens. Well, I had them (whatever you want to call them), and now they are (thankfully) diminishing. I need to see the sun...to bask in its glorious splendor...to feel its delicate Spring warmth upon my face...to get some vitamin D...to chase away the blues...I mean...greens. Tomorrow's promise of 60 and sunny is creating great excitement...and as much as I hate to awaken earlier than I have to...I look forward to the return of bright light through my window early in the morning. Please Sun, show us your shining face!! It has been universally decided (and by universally, I mean several friends and I) that if the sun does not appear tomorrow Mother Nature will be shanked--the end. Anyway...today was a (mostly) chill day. I got to read a lot which is good because my library book is due back on Sunday, and I really want to finish it before I have to take it back. I also had some encourage

I am so drained. I think the weather has officially taken its toll on me. I need some sunshine. I suppose some sleep wouldn't hurt either, but I would choose the sun over sleep right now. On the bright side--I saw the first daffodil today, and it gave me hope that Spring is actually on its way. There will once more be beautiful weather and warm temperatures and flowers and warm Spring rains. O Joy! I had my first advising appointment with my graduate advisor today. It went well, and I am looking forward to working with her in the future. She told me that she thinks I have a fair shot at a GA job, and that gave me a lot of hope. My work hours change today, so I'm closing tonight...I hope I last that long. We had an intense discussion in my human sexuality class today about gay marriage. After about 15 minutes of hearing how Christians are dictating to other people how to live, I had about enough. It is not Christians preventing gays from marrying. It is the law. If you don't

I freely admit it. My passionate dislike of all things having to do with research is once more creeping up on me. I have actually worked on it some today, and I have a paragraph so far, but sadly my enthusiasm has fizzeled and died a mildly tragic death...yep, there's no desire left there to continue...crap. If I had done nothing today, I would probably feel worse, but I've actually had a very productive day, so I'm having a hard time feeling like I should be upset with myself. I had a lovely quiet time this morning. The season I'm in right now is lovely because the Word is fresh and alive to me every morning. I love it!! God's presence is so sweet to me, and I am constantly in awe of Him!! I was talking to two of my GAL sisters this afternoon, and I realized how excited I get when I talk about God. He is soooo wonderful!! After my quiet time, I went to deliver some sunshine. :) Oh, the wonderful joys of being a sunshine bear-er (I'm pretty sure that isn't a

--sometimes it scares me. Usually change just means a new adventure, a new experience, something better than what you currently have. That isn't always true, sometimes change is for the worse, but for the most part when change comes it is welcome. I feel like I am on the verge of major changes in my life, and that's not just because I'm getting ready to graduate. I feel like there is a pause, a deep breath, the kind that happens right before all heck breaks loose. I have just been very aware over the last several days how much I love and appreciate my friends, and how precious the time we have together is. Big things are going to happen in our lives, and we might go separate directions, we might lose touch, we might grow apart. I am cherishing this time that I have. I know that if these friends leave my life it is only to make way for others, but that doesn't make the shifting changes any easier. Maybe that is why we experience change in life...because it makes us appr

Deep breaths are my friend right now. I'm going to make it. Two months from tomorrow I will graduate from college. That doesn't seem possible. I don't feel like I am at all ready to graduate. Last night K and I watched Post Grad. It did very little to lessen my nervousness about the 14th of May. I had to stop myself from thinking it over and over because it was late and that is never a good time to start contemplating something that is mildly scary. Who am I kidding...it's not mildly scary...it's quite scary. Anyway, I came home and laid my future at God's feet (again), and I went to sleep. Today, everything is back in torturous place--taunting me to contemplate it and roll it over in my mind and go right to the edge of complete and total breakdown/freak-out. Deep Breath. K helped me to talk some of this out last night. I think the main reason that graduating is so scary for me is that I had a plan for my life--a plan that isn't happening by the way--and it

I went to town today to help my mom take some of her residents on a tour of the newly-renovated library. As I was waiting for her to arrive, I had a chance to observe several people going in and out of the library. I enjoy watching older people. They came from a generation where parents still taught their children basic common courtesies. They know how to great each other politely and treat each other with kindness and politeness. Because that's how they were raised that's how they act on an every day basis. They may not be really good at expressing their emotions or being in touch with their feelings, but they do seem to have a few things figured out. I think my generation could stand to take a few lessons from them. They work hard and take care of their responsibilities (like their family). They extend courtesy to the people around them and treat people the way they wanted to be treated. They know how to make decisions and they know the things worth fighting for in life. They

Twice since Spring Break started I have been awake to see 4:30 AM. And then I haven't slept much...I think this needs to change. Don't get me wrong. It was totally worth it both times, but my body is beginning to think I am going insane...and my brain is starting to agree. At least tonight I should get to bed at a semi-decent hour. I am excited to be making my first full meal out of Mastering the Art of French Cooking tonight. I will be making swiss cheese quiche, chicken breasts with fragrant veggies and cream, and cherry flan for dessert. It should be very fun because I will be enjoying the lovely company of L and K. Then we are going to watch the season finale of White Collar. Then I'm going to come home and crash. I have gotten a few things done today, though. I am doing laundry...and I have done a little cleaning...and I made a list of everything I have to do...and I had quiet time...and I showered...and I had breakfast with friends at 6 this morning... I kind of feel

For the second time in my life I have accomplished a Lord of The Rings Extended Version marathon. Some of my friends don't like LOTR, some do, and that's fine with me. I won't ever tell anyone what to like or not like. Four of my friends and I had this marathon as a kick off to Spring Break. It was very fun. Lots of good memories and lots of tired, slap-happy comments. Lots of bonding. That's kind of what this post is about. The ending of LOTR gets me every single time, and there are always tears involved. I was thinking about that as I was crying while the last scenes unfolded, scenes I have seen a hundred times before. Why is it that I cannot help but cry even though I already know what is going to happen. I thought about saying good-bye to my friends, and suddenly I knew. At the end of the third movie, the fellowship ends. They are separated, never to be reunited. There isn't a see you later or a I'll be back to visit in a couple years. Nope. It is good-bye--

Today was round two of losing dogs for me. My dog, my little Lorianne was hit by a car and had to be put down. My dog is gone. Lori was really mine. She claimed me. And just like that she's gone. She won't be there when I go up to see mis padres in a couple days. I have lost two dogs since Thursday, and I have no tears left although my heart is crying inside of me.

I was thinking a lot today about things that I enjoy. These are just a few that I recognized today. Making adjectives by stringing words together. For instance: It was a sit-on-the-front-porch-swing-sipping-sweet-tea kind of day. That just makes my heart so happy. Running just because the weather is nice...and then having wonderful side effects of running...such as the fact that I want to eat healthier. Random conversations with friends. I spoke to a friend today and for a minute thought I was having a conversation with a different friend because of the manner of the conversation. I love people who talk more than I do, and who can go for minutes without taking a breath (this is in moderation, of course, in excess this is not charming, but rather annoying). I enjoy working on my relationships. I can't even tell you how much pleasure I get out of building and deepening relationships with the people in my life. I love to analyze my relationships and figure out what I can do to make th

My dog was hit by a car today, and he didn't make it. My dad called me and told me that. I cried on the phone with him for a little while. I'm more worried about my dad than I am about me. While Storm was my dog, he was Dad's buddy. When Dad gets up in the morning there will be no Storm to have a morning conversation with. No more affectionate references to "The Fat Boy", "The Big Khumba" or "Chief Barks-A-Lot". The house will be strangely quiet. That's when it will sink in that he's really gone. God is merciful. When Storm was much younger(he was getting close to 10 years old), he was hit and had a broken pelvis. He was already starting to feel the effects of that, and I have no doubt that the arthritis would have gotten much worse the older he got. He was such a good dog, and an amazing protector. Storm once saved my mom's life when she was being chased by an angry cow. The cow had my mom on the ground and was rolling her over whe

I do not fancy myself a painter in any sense of the word. But occasionally I get the urge to finger paint. Perhaps it is my inner child trying to re-experience childhood. Tonight was one such time. I made a mix of my favorite worship songs, and I started painting. Below is a picture of my result. Now let me tell you a bit more. I sat down to paint this for a specific person--my husband. My heart is aching badly to be at the point in my life where I am married, but I'm not there yet. Some way, some how this seemed to help ease that ache a bit. I was looking at it and not sure if I wanted to add some more yellow. I decided I was done for the night, though, and so I thought I would take a picture of it and blog. And when I took the picture, I realized that the yellow makes a heart shape (mas o menos). In which case I believe it to be perfect. I'm going to hang it up after it is dry, as a reminder that my husband is out there, and that God's plan is still perfect. In other new

I realized today that it had been a while since I blogged. I also realize that this is entirely my fault, and yet at the same I haven't really felt like I had anything worth putting out there for the blog-sphere to read...or perhaps I had some things I wanted to say, but didn't because I didn't want to sound petty or whiny or a million other adjectives that could describe what I began to put down in print. That being said... "We are so accustomed to disguise ourselves to others that in the end we become disguised to ourselves." - Francois de La Rochefoucauld This quote came up on my quotations for the day...I thought it was appropriate. How often do we disguise ourselves from other people for whatever good reason we come up with at the time? We want people to like us. We want them to have a good opinion of us. We want to avoid conflict. We want to have something in common with others. There are such a multitude of problems that come from this that I don't even