Something Beautiful

I'm drinking a honey latte, and getting ready to put in some time on my paper. I did actually get a decent start on it yesterday, so that is good, and I know that I will get it finished. I do not understand God, and I'm thankful that I don't have to. I woke up this morning, and I'm so much better. The deep ache went away as quickly and unexpectedly as it came. My heart is still a little sore, but not to the extent that it was. I don't understand what brought that on or what happened to lessen it, but I don't think so much that it matters. May be the whole point of that was so God could show me that I am undistracted from Him and I'm not going to try to fill my heart with anything except Him. I submitted my time sheet today and I have worked 17.5 hours in the past 2 weeks which isn't bad except when you consider that I'm only supposed to work 5 hours a week. Yep...work has been stressing me out a little bit. However, I had one of my students tell me t

Today is a better day. My heart is still aching, but I am okay with waiting on God to satisfy me. I think a lot of my irritation was due to being tired, so we worked on that. I slept in until 10:15 this morning. It was delicious, and I want to do it again, but sadly do not have a chance to do so until next week sometime, if then. I have another job for next fall, so I'm really happy about that, and I'm really looking forward to it. I have a labor econ quiz today, and I'm really ready to be done with things. I saw pictures today from the half-marathon...yeah...hmm. Also I have to get a bunch done on my paper today, so I'm going to work on that this afternoon, and then date night with K tonight...and she has exciting news to share with me. :) It's a lovely Wednesday!!

Today has been a crappy day...well, I guess that was yesterday now...but all the same...crappy day. I know that God blesses every day, and that it was a day from Him, but it was still an awful, horrible, no good, very bad day. And not because of anything in particular...well, that might be a bit of a lie. One thing in particular has made it sucky - my heart. See I don't know what is going on with my heart right now, and God won't tell me. My heart is aching so bad right now, and I have no idea why. There is no logical reason it should ache. It is not aching for a guy or for a longing to just be with God for eternity, to be home, or any other ache that I have felt before. I am in uncharted aching territory, and I have no idea what to even do about it. I know what to do, but it isn't helping. I keep giving it to God, and asking Him to satisfy it, and asking Him to tell me what is going on, but there is no reply, no response, just more aching. I am trying very hard not to fill

I'm sitting here avoiding working on my paper that is due on Friday, and staring out the window at a rain drenched city. I wonder what it is about rain that makes everything look so much clearer. After it rains, all the colors just seem brighter and everything just seems to have more focus to it. I wonder if that is like after a good cry when you can see more clearly the situation before you. I'm in a kind of contemplative mood, and my mind is drifting back over things in the past. I have a scar on my toe from a pair of black high heels that I love. Unfortunately they do not love me back, and walking miles in them not only gave me sore feet, but also a scar to remember that time. It was my first Sunday in London, and I felt like I walked forever in my high heels to get to church. That scar is the price of my vanity. I have a scar on my left pointer finger from making peanut brittle in 7th grade. The hot sugar landed on my finger and took the skin off. I have a scar on my chin f

Monday Morning - back to work This song is about my life: House to Clean (Also a shameless plug for Lee Ellen Starks) I rearranged my room last night at about 11:30...good times. Today feels like I am just constantly doing something.... Several hours later... I've been having some good conversations with C and K today. Boys make everything in life complicated. Gray areas make life complicated. And whenever I come to God with gray areas all I really discover is that He wants me to come to Him with every situation and ask Him about it. This is how I feel about dating and about drinking and friendships with boys. Let's take dating for example. In the past year I have had to re-evaluate my feelings on dating probably at least every 2 months. I have been from "I'm never dating" to "Dating is okay, but there is no such thing as casual dating" to "Casual dating is okay" to "God, give me an arranged marriage". Obviously this is a gray area in

I finished!! I ran a half-marathon, and I finished strong, sprinting across the finish line. Here's the crazy part: I trained for it in about a month. That should not be physically possible, and yet I did it. And I have only really been running since January/February. Therefore, I can very safely say that it was not me....it was ALL God. I never could have finished a half-marathon, but God asked me to, and gave me the strength and ability to finish. How amazing is the God I serve?! He is so incredible!! And I really need to hang out with Him today. This has been the only day that I felt like doing anything this week, so I have been busy cleaning and preparing to go have dinner with K. I'm making blackberry pie and apple pie. :) It's been a while since I made some pies, so it is fun to get back into that. In other news...I don't have any major running to do this week, but I'm sure that I will run because now I'm hooked. I think I want to train some more and run a

First of all...I have no idea if my title is actually spelled correctly. And I don't really care. Spelling was never my strong suit, and I did at least attempt to sound it out as I spelled it. It's all good. Last night was kind of insane...just a little bit...for me anyway. I was super exhausted all day yesterday until about 11 PM hit, and then I was great!! So around 11 is when K and L and I decided that we wanted sushi...and so we went to Kai and had sushi at about 11:30. We didn't get left from there until almost 1 and we proceeded to stay up until almost 3 AM at PoHo talking on the back porch. Yep...not the smartest thing in the world for me to do when I am driving to Nashville today and had to be up early this morning. Oh, well...I had fun! Here's the song they played for me :) So yeah...I'm driving to Nashville in less than 4 hours, and then tomorrow morning I'm running a half-marathon and driving back to Springfield. Also I'm super excited about going

I am starting to understand a bit of my attitude and why I've been feeling the way I have the last couple of days...and I can't do anything about it except grin and bear it. Sometimes life sucks, but at least I understand why now.  Life is getting better. And today has been a better day than I expected. It has also been a touch less busy than I expected. I'm still looking forward to this day being more over.  Anyway...I'm doing better. And thanks, C, for the hug earlier...it made me feel so much better!!! I love you!!

I am so tired of having other things come into my life and distract me from Jesus. I am so tired of the constant battle between my flesh and my spirit. It is so stupid because this battle has already been won, and yet I get up every morning and continue the fight. I am worn out and weary, and I just want Jesus to steal back my heart with sunshine and kisses. Sometimes purification sucks. Like this week. Sometimes I think I am trying too hard. I need to just let Jesus enjoy me. I need to just enjoy Him. I'm sorry that this sounds so negative. I'm just really ready for this week to be over. I'm ready for this semester to be over. On the positive side of things...it is so beautiful outside today, and God is still God and He is still good and faithful!!

This was yesterday... Sometimes I feel like I'm trying to run in high heels. Sometimes I do actually run in high heels, but today I just really feel like I am trying to run a marathon in high heels and it's not going so great. Yes, today is one of those days. I didn't want to get up this morning. I went to bed early last night and slept much later this morning than usual, and I still didn't want to get up. I went for a five mile run, baked a cake, had breakfast, took a shower, had some quiet time, made a plan for Bible Study, and prepared for this day, and still I wish I were in bed. I came into work today because students asked me to be available...this is my day off. I just want to go back to bed.

I totally ran 10 miles on Saturday!! Did I mention that God is Faithful?!?!?! I'm going to run a half-marathon on Saturday!!

I just finished possibly the world's strongest cup of coffee...and I'm completely wired. I'm not even kidding you, the last drink...always the best...was full of the fine coffee grounds mud that is characteristic of a french press made cup of coffee. So wonderful!! I'm listening to Jenny & Tyler right now...surprise, surprise...and yet again the inspiration for the title of this entry is from their song "Muse." This morning I got to enjoy my Love waking me up with Sunshine. My Beloved is so incredible. I am so incredibly blessed!! I got to cuddle with Jesus for probably 30 minutes this morning, and it was delightful...He is the best cuddle buddy ever!! I just remembered lately how much I love to cuddle. I used to cuddle all the time when I was little, but it has been a while since I really recognized that about myself...it's about time I rediscovered that. :) Last night I was super mellow...I'm serious...I was actually so mellow that K and L weren&

"Therefore don't worry about tomorrow, because tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own." - Matthew 6:34 I have a 10 mile run tomorrow...and I'm worried about it. I was having a hard time making it 3 this morning, but God just kept telling me not to worry about it. I will deal with the 10 mile run tomorrow. Today, I just need to deal with today. God is so good. I never realized that I had been holding my breath until I let it out. And by that I mean that I never realized how tense I was until I got around people who allow me to relax. God has blessed me with some truly amazing friends who allow me to just be myself. I don't have to worry about being anyone special around them. I don't have to worry about how they see me or what they are going to think if I mess up. In fact they might love me all the more for my mistakes. My friends allow me to breathe. What a blessing that is!! I'm super happy because my 2 pm class was just

India Arie is changing my life!! I love her song Beautiful Flower - it inspired the title of this blog. Also I love how when I tell anyone that I am running a half-marathon with the concept of running a full in a year they automatically start offering me advice. (Please note my liberal use of sarcasm) I know that I don't know everything about running, but I really dislike when people just decide to offer me advice that I haven't asked for. That's really frustrating. God told me something amazing today when I was running, though. He told me that I am going to be able to handle the long run because I dig deep and run from my heart - I have what it takes to go the distance. Because I equate running to my life with God, that meant so much to me because He essentially told me that I am going to make it through life with Him. I'm not going to stop part way there because I have what it takes for the long run. I will dig deep and run to Jesus. I will not get weary and stop. Tha

I love jazz...it has been an aquired taste, but I do love it. I also love being mellow which is usually the mood that I am in when I listen to jazz. I am much more mellow than I used to be though. I realized that when my friend, L, asked me about my homework tonight. She wondered if I ever did homework, and in the course of our conversation, I realized that I used to be a lot more stressed out about school than I am now. This is a good thing. I have finally realized that getting all A's isn't the most important thing in the world. God is. I was also told tonight that I have the hands of a goddess...which made me laugh a little to myself. L told me that after a sleep inducing back rub. I have never actually put anyone to sleep before with my back rubs, so it was nice to see that I did indeed foster relaxation. L also asked God to bless my hands and always keep them holy which caused me to pause and think for a moment. That is my desire that God would make me holy and keep me hol

So this is the song playing on my itunes right now...love it!! I am so excited because I'm going up to Montana in a few weeks...so more like 6 or so...but I am super excited to stargaze, and we are praying for Northern Lights as that is the entire purpose behind out trip. I know what science says about the Auroa Borealis, but I believe that God can do whatever He wants...(You can have whatever you want...makes me think of K...and makes me laugh)...so I believe that we will see some when we are there, regardless of what the sun is doing, if that is what God wants. He gave me some interesting thoughts today as I was running. He keeps telling me to enjoy Him, but I have no idea what that even really means. What does it mean to enjoy God? So He told me that since He is part of me, when I enjoy myself and my body that is enjoying Him. Running is one way for me to do that. Enjoying being able to move and run and breathe is one way to enjoy God. Another one that I will experience after I&

Of all the birthdays that I can remember, this is probably one of the best if not the best one I have ever had. I might dare say that it has been perfect. And here's the best part. It's not over because it is just going to continue on to next weekend. I have the best friends and family that anyone could ever ask for. They totally made my day. My mom's side of the family all came over for our family Easter celebration, and they made such a big deal out of my birthday. In that moment of wearing a ridiculous tiara with a pick "21" on it, having a chorus of voices singing Happy Birthday in perfect harmony and being surrounded by family all gazing at me in love, my heart was so full. It was like a big, warm hug from God. I almost can't describe the feeling, but it is one of those moments in life when you truly know that you are loved and accepted for exactly who you are. I am truly blessed by my family. I know that we don't get to pick our families, but God sur

I am officially 21. My parents had a wine and cheese party for me tonight. It was delicious. You know when you get in the groove of hanging out with the same people all the time, and then suddenly you aren't around each other at all. Well that is how I am feeling right now...I am going into withdrawal. I miss the boys and K and K and H and C and Potter's. This is slightly sick because just about 24 hours ago I was with most of my friends, and yet I still miss them all, especially K right now because I have seen her every day for the past 3 weeks. I don't know what I'm going to do tomorrow/today I guess. Anyway. I'm going out to look at some stars real quick before bed because I love stars. I can't believe I'm actually 21!!! :) I am so excited to see what the year ahead holds. I know that God has amazing things planned. Peace Yo!

This is what God keeps telling me to do. I have been freaking out about running the half-marathon because I am no where near being on track with the training program. And because of my ankle, I am not able to run completely or for any length of time right now. I am on strict walk/run orders and only for a distance of 2-3 miles. I am so glad that God knows me and knows how much I have been stressing out about this. As I was running yesterday, I wanted to keep running instead of stopping to walk for a bit. First off He told me that sometimes in life we need to just slow down and walk with Him instead of running. Then I was upset because I don't feel like I am remotely ready and the half is in two weeks! And this is what He told me: "Chill out. You are going to run it, so don't worry about it and just enjoy me." God wants to be enjoyed. I was talking with H this morning, and I am very firmly convinced that the "Love" holiday is not Valentine's Day, but East

My friend, H, gave me a wonderful cd by Jenny & Tyler, and it is super fantastic. I have been enjoying listening to it a lot, and I think they are one of my favorite groups. The title for this post came from one of their songs, and it kind of has to do with what we talked about in book study last night. The chapter was on boundaries with men which is definitely something that I feel needs to be talked about more. C shared that she has some fences/walls in her life that she is learning she needs to let down. And I think that could probably be true for all of us. The reason that this song lyric hit me was because most of us have walls because of something painful that has happened to us. We were discussing this last night and determined that with different people we have different types of fences. There are a couple of people in my life that the fence between me and them would make a maximum security prison look wimpy. Then there are some people that I just have a short two foot pick

As I was walking on campus this morning I happened to be at the correct angle where I could see a rainbow in the JQH fountain as I walked by it. I started pondering what a rainbow is, and of course, I thought of the story of Noah. Noah lived during a depraved and completely unrighteous time. In fact the people were so deep in their sins that God said "I'm starting over!" So He picked Noah, the one righteous person left on earth and said, "I will make my covenant with you." He then destroyed the entire earth with an enormous flood while Noah's family lived safely in the ark that God commanded Noah to build. After the flood was over and the water receded, God again promised to establish His covenant with Noah and his family. As a promise to Noah, that He would never again destroy all the people of the earth, God set a rainbow in the sky after every rain storm. As I was walking today, that came to me, and I realized that a rainbow is not just a promise to never

Something God showed me while I was at the beach was that it is a blessing not to have to understand Him. I often find myslef saying to God "I just don't understand what you are doing here." And what I realized is that I don't have to understand, and that is a blessing because if God asked me to understand Him, I would never be able to. I don't understand why God allows good people to die or why small children in Africa are conscripted into armies to fight wars that are not their own. I don't understand why He would allow young women to be sold in the sex slave trade. I don't understand why He asks us to do things and then allows barriers to hit our lives. I don't understand why every day thousands of children die from hunger related diseases when in America we throw food away. I don't understand a lot about God and His Goodness, but He doesn't ask me to. I will never understand God, at least not in this life. And He doesn't ask that of me.

I am currently eating dried fruit, icing my ankle, and listening to the rain outside my window. Dried fruit is extremely difficult to find without sugar in it. This fact just astonishes me. Fruit for the most part is sweet, so when you dry it does it suddenly lose some of its sweetness? Especially mango and pineapple. Those are both very sweet fruits, so why on earth do they add sugar to them!?!? It almost makes me want to get a food dehydrater and start making my own dried fruit. Almond Butter, however, makes me excessively happy. It is simply delightful!! And does not have sugar in it!! Something else that I have discovered that is changing my world is Hazelnut Milk. Yep! Delicious!! And also no sugar! Yes, I am on an anti-sugar kick. Sugar is so bad for you, and there are so many other ways to fulfill sweet cravings than to load up on lots of processed sugars and preservatives that are found in most foods. An excellent substitute for sugar...honey. So much better for you and just as

Whew! What a day! What a week! I feel like I have been constantly running since 9:30AM on Monday! And strangely I don't really see it slowing down any time soon. At least I only have another week until I have another break. So this was my day. I woke up at 5:52 this morning, but I was able to go back to sleep until 7 which was a blessing. Then I had a little quiet time and a shower and tried to collect myself to leave for MOPS. I had decided that I was going to get my driver's license switched today, and I needed to get a copy of my housing contract. The office didn't open until 9 which was when I needed to be leaving. I'm really glad that I got it today, though, because when I went in, the lady reminded me that if we resigned our lease today we would get 300 dollars off of our rent for July. I went to MOPS and got to hold little children for a couple of hours. Then I ate lunch and studied for a test in my labor econ class. Took that test, went and had my writing worksh