Ruminations
I am exhausted...physically, mentally, emotionally drained. I have cried more in the last two days than I have in the last two months combined. Don't get me wrong...it's good tears, but at the same time it is just kind of emotionally draining.
My body is worn out. Stress, running and little sleep are catching up to me and I'm now struggling with fending off sickness. I can't get sick now...I don't have time to be sick. Even though the conference is over, I still have waaaay too much to do to be ill.
Mentally I am super tired. Being physically tired and emotionally drained has lead to mental exhaustion as well. Hopefully a good night's sleep and some good quiet time will rectify that situation.
The conference was really good. I felt like I was only half there for the entire day, but it was good. I cried a lot because my heart was very tender and sore.
The board of directors and I went out to dinner with the speakers on Friday night when they got in, and I ended up crying at dinner because the main speaker prophesied over me in such an amazing way. What a blessing that was.
Also I feel like I am finally seeing fruit in my walk because of fasting. I have been really disappointed in the results of my fasting, but lately, I feel like my heart has just become so tender (hence all the tears) and that that is a result of fasting. What a blessing!!
I was so upset at the conference when all the girls I wanted to be there were not. We had a decent turnout 200 some girls, but nothing like the 1000 girls I wanted to be there. I felt like I had somehow failed, that my prayers were unanswered. Much of the day that is what I dealt with.
God is faithful. He had the girls there who needed to be there. All I kept hearing when I inquired of Him about the number was something my pastor said at church last Sunday about how Jesus took 11 ordinary men. In the eyes of the world, Jesus' ministry was a huge failure. All He got were 11 men who were by no means awesome...they were fishermen and tax collectors. They were social misfits in their day. But what seemed like a failure in the eyes of the world was far from it in the eyes of God. He said give me these 11 ordinary men, I will change the world.
God doesn't need 1100 girls to begin a revival. He can change the world with 11 ordinary men. He can change the world with a couple hundred.
It was an amazing experience for me to realize some of the lies that Satan was trying to tell me that day. I felt like I do not make a difference with my life, like I am not accomplishing anything that has lasting or eternal value, like I have not touched anyone's life. And it was amazing because at that moment when I realized that these were lies was an amazing moment. I was embraced by a lovely young woman who I know I have had an impact on. And as I looked up, I saw face after face walk past me who are young women I know would say the same thing. How awesome is the God I serve!!
I am obviously still processing from the day, but I know that God did amazing things on Saturday. And at this moment I am super excited to see what He has in store for me after May.
Until later...easy!
My body is worn out. Stress, running and little sleep are catching up to me and I'm now struggling with fending off sickness. I can't get sick now...I don't have time to be sick. Even though the conference is over, I still have waaaay too much to do to be ill.
Mentally I am super tired. Being physically tired and emotionally drained has lead to mental exhaustion as well. Hopefully a good night's sleep and some good quiet time will rectify that situation.
The conference was really good. I felt like I was only half there for the entire day, but it was good. I cried a lot because my heart was very tender and sore.
The board of directors and I went out to dinner with the speakers on Friday night when they got in, and I ended up crying at dinner because the main speaker prophesied over me in such an amazing way. What a blessing that was.
Also I feel like I am finally seeing fruit in my walk because of fasting. I have been really disappointed in the results of my fasting, but lately, I feel like my heart has just become so tender (hence all the tears) and that that is a result of fasting. What a blessing!!
I was so upset at the conference when all the girls I wanted to be there were not. We had a decent turnout 200 some girls, but nothing like the 1000 girls I wanted to be there. I felt like I had somehow failed, that my prayers were unanswered. Much of the day that is what I dealt with.
God is faithful. He had the girls there who needed to be there. All I kept hearing when I inquired of Him about the number was something my pastor said at church last Sunday about how Jesus took 11 ordinary men. In the eyes of the world, Jesus' ministry was a huge failure. All He got were 11 men who were by no means awesome...they were fishermen and tax collectors. They were social misfits in their day. But what seemed like a failure in the eyes of the world was far from it in the eyes of God. He said give me these 11 ordinary men, I will change the world.
God doesn't need 1100 girls to begin a revival. He can change the world with 11 ordinary men. He can change the world with a couple hundred.
It was an amazing experience for me to realize some of the lies that Satan was trying to tell me that day. I felt like I do not make a difference with my life, like I am not accomplishing anything that has lasting or eternal value, like I have not touched anyone's life. And it was amazing because at that moment when I realized that these were lies was an amazing moment. I was embraced by a lovely young woman who I know I have had an impact on. And as I looked up, I saw face after face walk past me who are young women I know would say the same thing. How awesome is the God I serve!!
I am obviously still processing from the day, but I know that God did amazing things on Saturday. And at this moment I am super excited to see what He has in store for me after May.
Until later...easy!
Comments
Post a Comment