where I've been lately

I have been re-reading a favorite book lately. It brings back so many great memories of the group study that I was in where we read this book. It is also reminding me of the valuable lessons that I learned while reading this book. I am remembering how important it is for me to keep my heart open. I am remembering that pain is just one of the tools that God uses to shape my heart into the lovely and beautiful creation He wants it to be. And I am remembering that I can't just fill in the gaps in my heart and life, but I have to wait for Him to fill them for me.

The other night, I cried a lot. I cried for many reasons, some which I don't even realize or understand, but I needed to cry about them. I cried for the gaps in my heart that I long to fill, but know that I never can fill to my own satisfaction because they are gaps that only God can meet. As I was sitting there, crying out to God, He told me to write a poem. I love to write poetry, but I usually keep it to myself because it is generally personal between me and God. I also am not a great poet, and I am extremely sensitive to criticism about my writing for some reason.

However, there was one line that I wrote that just seems to completely describe how I feel right now, and it keeps replaying in my mind, so I wanted to share it with you.

Caught in the longing place between expectation and reality,
my heart mourns as I wait.

That is where I am right now. I know it probably seems like that is where I am all the time, but it isn't all the time that I can actually put words to the way I feel.

I love all the ways that God responds when I face Him with an open and vulnerable heart. This is how He has been responding lately:

"Our soul waits for the LORD; He is our help and our shield. for our heart is glad in him, because we trust in His holy name. Let your steadfast love, O LORD, be upon us, even as we hope in you." - Psalm 33:20-22

Comments

  1. sarah {on the brightside...}03 May, 2011

    waiting is not easy. that line from your poem rings true with me too... & writting always helps me get through things like that. & finding hope in the scripture! so beautiful! :)

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