on getting married

My generation seems to struggle with the idea of getting married. There are usually two extremes. There are the ones who are so terrified of commitment that they will do everything including living together to avoid actually making a lasting commitment with someone. Then there is the opposite end of that spectrum where you have the people who want so badly to get married that they will end up making bad decisions and getting married just to get married. And of course there is the whole spectrum in between, but for the most part the people in my generation tend to error either on the side of "I'm never getting married" or "I'm getting married as soon as possible." 

Even within the church we have this tension about marriage. We just make it sound different, holier, more God focused if you will. "Well, I'm not sure that God has called me to be married." "I think I'm called to be single for God." "I'm definitely called to be married." And usually these kind of statements have to do with our own insecurities and don't have anything to do with God, except for perhaps our lack of trust and relationship with Him.

I have heard so many people say that marriage is not something that God has necessarily promised to them. Most of those people have never stopped to consider that marriage may not be something God has promised them because it is something that God has commanded. 

In the beginning, when God created everything, He blessed it all and commanded it to be fruitful and multiply. And He never said stop. He has never taken back His command. He has never said, "Okay, there are enough marriages and babies and families now. You can stop getting married and being fruitful and multiplying." 

So stop worrying over whether or not God has "promised" marriage to you. Stop trying to figure out if you are "called" to be married or be single. Let me just say: If you are called to be single it isn't something that you are going to have to try to figure out. God will not allow there to be any mystery in that calling. He is going to let you know.

Stop being angst-y about marriage and dating and relationships. Stop believing the lies that culture tells you about what relationships and marriage should look like. Find a good man, find a good woman, make a lifelong commitment to each other and build a life together. Don't do it for yourself and what you get out of it. Build a life with someone else to fulfill God's commandment on your life and to show the world a picture of Christ and the Church, because that is something that we all need to see. Make a covenant with someone and allow that covenant to change you and make you more into the image of Christ.

Perhaps this sounds harsh or difficult. It's not suppose to be easy. All of the good things in life aren't easy, but it is worth it. Perhaps you can ask how I can say that marriage is worth it when I'm a single girl who has always been single? I know that marriage is worth it because I have grandparents who have been married for over six decades. I have parents who have been married for over three decades. I know that marriage is worth it because Jesus says that the church is worth it. 

*Disclaimer: I clearly do not have a corner on the market of all things marriage. If you are interested in reading more about marriage the three books I suggest are Scared Marriage by Gary Thomas, The Meaning of Marriage by Timothy Keller, and Get Married by Candice Watters.