the difference a year makes

A year ago my life looked very different. In some ways it hasn't changed at all. In other ways it is so vastly different it's hard to imagine that it has only been one year. How do I even begin to describe the journey of the last year? There is so much. . .life.

I found courage last year. Courage to push out of my comfort zone. Courage to uproot myself. Courage to begin again. I moved home. I would not trade the time I have had with my family over the last year for anything. 

For the first time in my life I found a job that required me to try something new, that required more of me. It's the same thing I've always done, but completely different. It stretched me. It changed me. I can't go back. 

There has been a skinny girl inside of me for the last seven years, and she finally got out. From my heaviest I have lost nearly fifty (yes, 50) pounds. I wasn't even looking for it. I wasn't even trying. It just happened: seven years worth of healthy decisions paying off. 

There was brokenness. There was healing. But still there is brokenness. I have learned that to be healed does not necessarily mean that I am not broken. I have learned to hold hands with the peace, the healing, and the brokenness.  

I found love blooming in my heart under a starlit sky next to a singing river. May the true love of God ever replace my weak, selfish love and flow out of me without reserve.

The Lord gives and the Lord takes away. Blessed be the name of the Lord. He gave us a precious pearl. He took a faithful servant home. 

In less than a calendar year, I have gotten to take 9 trips to various locations. I actually never thought that I would get there, but I am tired of flying. Give me a month. I'll be okay. 

And here we are at the beginning of another new year. A new adventure awaits. I am packing boxes again. Preparing for a new season. Preparing for the journey that awaits. I think I'm ready, but I know I will never really be ready for all that lies ahead of me.

God once gave me a picture of two ways to live. One was arms crossed, head down, braced for the storm that was coming. The other was arms flung wide open, head thrown back, laughing at the future, even though a storm loomed on the horizon. 

I want that second picture. I'm not all the way there yet, but that's what I'm aiming for. I don't know what all will happen on the journey. I don't know what lies ahead. I don't know everywhere the path will lead. 

I only know the next step in front of me. And I know that wherever it does lead me, I will embrace it because I will be a woman who lives open. I will be a woman who lives abundantly. I will be a woman who truly lives.