body beautiful
When people find out I have lost over 50 pounds, the initial exclamation is that there's no way I could have been that heavy. The next question is always: "How did you do it?"
I have been hesitant to write a post about this because I don't think that there is a formula for how to lose weight, and I don't want my journey to become a formula. However, as I was talking to my sister-in-law the other evening, I realized that I do have something to say on the subject that I think needs to be heard.
My journey, while it was initially about losing weight, became so much more. As a sophomore in college, I got on a scale and I forgot what the third number was because the first two were 1-7. I think it was either a 3 or a 5. I determined that I had to lose weight. I tried a low carb - high protein diet. After about a month, I actually gained weight instead of losing it and gave up. The last word I would ever use to describe my body was beautiful.
I was weighing myself every morning, and grew more and more discouraged. I loathed my body. I started praying, and I experienced a change. I realized that part of the reason I wanted to lose weight was because I thought that then I would finally be attractive and a guy would finally want to date me. I believed losing weight would suddenly make me like my body and would make everything better. I felt the Lord gently nudge me that instead of being focused on losing weight, I needed to focus on leading a healthy lifestyle.
So I got rid of my scale. It would be 3-4 years before I would step on a scale. I started focusing on what I was consuming. I did a Daniel fast and suddenly became aware of how much sugar was in everything I was eating. And I started running, not because I liked it or because I thought it would help me lose weight, but because I felt like God was telling me that I needed to run.
I read a book that was groundbreaking for me: the Weigh Down Diet. I started listening to my body. What was nourishing? What made me feel awful? I listened to the signals of when I was hungry and when I was full. And I ran. A lot. My runs were my counseling sessions, my prayer time, my listening time. I realized how messed up my body image was, partly due to being made fun of in junior high and high school.
Running taught me to praise God for how fearfully and wonderfully He had made me instead of loathing my body. I thanked Him for giving me a good, strong body. I thanked Him for strong legs and strong lungs and a heart that was healthy. I thanked Him for my low blood pressure and my slow, steady pulse. As I praised Him for my body, I began to loath it less and less. I accomplished things that seemed impossible to me, namely two half and two full marathons. Through running I was being rebuilt into a woman who had worth and value because of my deepening relationship with God.
During this time, I was also working at getting my hormones to balance. This was another aspect of becoming healthy that I had never focused on. I started living in harmony with being a woman instead of loathing and fighting with my womanly nature.
Six years after I stepped onto that scale and started on this journey, a good friend was helping me work through some issues and in the process brought up the fact that the way I dressed was frumpy. What my friend didn't know was that was the one of the last ways that I loathed my body. Since it still didn't look the way I wanted it to, I hid it under clothes that were too big and baggy. I also am not one of those girls that comes by fashion sense naturally. I have to really work to look fashionable. So instead of loathing my body, I began to honor it by wearing clothes that fit me and looked nice.
Then one day I got on a scale, and it showed me a number that I never thought I would be again in my life. But by that time the number was just a bonus because the real lessons had been learned over the preceding 6+ years. I had learned not only to love and honor my body, but also what it meant to live a healthy lifestyle in every aspect of my life. This idea of balance, health, and truly enjoying your food and body was re-enforced by another book, French Women Don't Get Fat.
I currently weigh around 120 pounds, but when I look at my body it looks exactly the same to me as it did at 170 something. What is different is how I look at my body. What is different is that I dwell in peace and harmony with my body instead of being ashamed of my body. What is different is that I look at my body, and I know that no matter how it changes I will see myself as beautiful.
*Special thanks to my husband both for editing, as well as telling me that I am beautiful every day, no matter what I look like.
I have been hesitant to write a post about this because I don't think that there is a formula for how to lose weight, and I don't want my journey to become a formula. However, as I was talking to my sister-in-law the other evening, I realized that I do have something to say on the subject that I think needs to be heard.
My journey, while it was initially about losing weight, became so much more. As a sophomore in college, I got on a scale and I forgot what the third number was because the first two were 1-7. I think it was either a 3 or a 5. I determined that I had to lose weight. I tried a low carb - high protein diet. After about a month, I actually gained weight instead of losing it and gave up. The last word I would ever use to describe my body was beautiful.
I was weighing myself every morning, and grew more and more discouraged. I loathed my body. I started praying, and I experienced a change. I realized that part of the reason I wanted to lose weight was because I thought that then I would finally be attractive and a guy would finally want to date me. I believed losing weight would suddenly make me like my body and would make everything better. I felt the Lord gently nudge me that instead of being focused on losing weight, I needed to focus on leading a healthy lifestyle.
So I got rid of my scale. It would be 3-4 years before I would step on a scale. I started focusing on what I was consuming. I did a Daniel fast and suddenly became aware of how much sugar was in everything I was eating. And I started running, not because I liked it or because I thought it would help me lose weight, but because I felt like God was telling me that I needed to run.
I read a book that was groundbreaking for me: the Weigh Down Diet. I started listening to my body. What was nourishing? What made me feel awful? I listened to the signals of when I was hungry and when I was full. And I ran. A lot. My runs were my counseling sessions, my prayer time, my listening time. I realized how messed up my body image was, partly due to being made fun of in junior high and high school.
Running taught me to praise God for how fearfully and wonderfully He had made me instead of loathing my body. I thanked Him for giving me a good, strong body. I thanked Him for strong legs and strong lungs and a heart that was healthy. I thanked Him for my low blood pressure and my slow, steady pulse. As I praised Him for my body, I began to loath it less and less. I accomplished things that seemed impossible to me, namely two half and two full marathons. Through running I was being rebuilt into a woman who had worth and value because of my deepening relationship with God.
During this time, I was also working at getting my hormones to balance. This was another aspect of becoming healthy that I had never focused on. I started living in harmony with being a woman instead of loathing and fighting with my womanly nature.
Six years after I stepped onto that scale and started on this journey, a good friend was helping me work through some issues and in the process brought up the fact that the way I dressed was frumpy. What my friend didn't know was that was the one of the last ways that I loathed my body. Since it still didn't look the way I wanted it to, I hid it under clothes that were too big and baggy. I also am not one of those girls that comes by fashion sense naturally. I have to really work to look fashionable. So instead of loathing my body, I began to honor it by wearing clothes that fit me and looked nice.
Then one day I got on a scale, and it showed me a number that I never thought I would be again in my life. But by that time the number was just a bonus because the real lessons had been learned over the preceding 6+ years. I had learned not only to love and honor my body, but also what it meant to live a healthy lifestyle in every aspect of my life. This idea of balance, health, and truly enjoying your food and body was re-enforced by another book, French Women Don't Get Fat.
I currently weigh around 120 pounds, but when I look at my body it looks exactly the same to me as it did at 170 something. What is different is how I look at my body. What is different is that I dwell in peace and harmony with my body instead of being ashamed of my body. What is different is that I look at my body, and I know that no matter how it changes I will see myself as beautiful.
*Special thanks to my husband both for editing, as well as telling me that I am beautiful every day, no matter what I look like.
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