I am ready to be done

Will someone please tell me that I'm done...please? But no I'm not. I still have two finals left. One is my worst one too. I have another in about an hour which I really need to be studying for right now, but I need to get some stuff out.

I feel a little like my heart is breaking. Last night we had our last "family" dinner until August. I didn't want to leave because I didn't want it to end. I wish I could enter a time warp and stay there forever.

God and I have been working on this, though, and I need to not cling to this. I need to hold it very loosely, and just cling to Him. The ache started coming back last night, and this morning is raging in full force. I just want someone to hold me tightly and tell me that they love me.

I hate when I feel needy and clingy, and I don't want to cling to anyone but Jesus, so here I sit in the middle of this catch 22 waiting for Him to come and satisfy me, waiting for Him to wrap His arms around me and tell me that He loves me. Until then, I feel like I'm going to start crying at the drop of a hat, especially when I think that at this time next week I am going to be home and most likely I will be job hunting.

This sucks. I haven't even left yet, and I am already missing everyone. This is what happens when you allow yourself to care for people, but I would much rather have this than have an iceberg for a heart like I used to.

I also realized last night that I'm still dealing with wounds from hs and jh. Why do people find it funny to inflict wounds on our fellow human beings whether that is emotional, mental or physical?

I need to study now...2 down, 2 to go.

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