Cruzan Time

I'm back from a vacation that was both good and bad and exactly what I needed. I don't think I have ever had so many highs and lows in the period of a week as I have this week. Bottom line: nothing ever turns out exactly like you expect.

This vacation was amazing...it was so chill and so relaxing. It was awesome to get to see the beauty of St. Croix. What a truly beautiful place it is. I discovered a deep love for the ocean that I never really knew existed in my heart before. It came on so fast and so strong that I was almost caught off guard by it.

There were some amazing, breath taking moments where all I could do is stand in awe and amazement at God and all His splendor. Such as the moment when I came out of the trees and saw this view.

It was so awesome to visit a new place and meet new people and do new things. I smoked my first cigar...not too bad really. I went rock climbing on real rocks without gear and while trying to dodge sea urchins, but with the waves crashing about 10 feet away...awesome!! I discovered that I want to look more into massage therapy, if only to get certified so I can pay my way through grad school.

Speaking of grad school I need to start my application.

It was so nice to get away from the real world for a while...to run on Cruzan time for a bit...which by the way can be anywhere from an hour to an hour and a half later (or later as the case may be).

It was also a very testing and trying vacation. I felt like God was sanding on me all week long. I felt like my patience and my ability to love was so tested and tried. And I feel like I failed miserably on both tests.

I feel like on this vacation God used certain circumstances to break my heart for the world. I feel like my heart is so grieved for people and how lost they are, but at the same time I discovered that I do not have enough love to love them all. I feel so inadequate to do God's work. I know that He will give me everything I need to accomplish what He has called me to, but I still feel very much like I do not have what it takes. I feel like God humbled me a lot during this trip, and I feel like I have a lot farther to go.

The long and short of it is that I feel like this vacation is going to stick with me in more ways than one. I just have this feeling like God taught me a lot more this last week than I realize, and I won't even realize it for a while.

I'm home now, and trying to get settled back in. I want to go to bed even though it is early, and I need to finish up my laundry and put away dishes. I still need to unpack and go through my closet and sort through things. Life is already filling up again, but I'm looking forward to having things to do and places to go and people to see, but just right now at this moment, I want to run on Cruzan time. Safe!