a child's joy

I walked across campus this morning and there was a group of small children (probably kindergarten or pre-school age) on an outing with their teachers (I assume). They were making a pile of leaves to jump into. The sight was just so refreshing to me. Such innocence! Such joy! What a breath of fresh air!

And it made me look forward to a time when I pray that God will bless me with children of my own. It's funny how some things can just tug at a string you didn't know was in your heart. But as I watched this beautiful children delighting in the brightly colored leaves, I felt that small little tug deep inside my heart, a longing written deeply into my soul and my longings.

I immediately reminded myself that it is not time yet. I'm not ready for that yet. I have many other things I want to do first, but it is occasionally nice to have the reminder that that longing is still there.

A dear friend prayed over my marathon last night which was amazing for me. It is so hard for me to believe that in 4 days it will be over. I mentioned that I was ready for it to be over, and she reminded me that I shouldn't be ready for it to be over, but that I should enjoy this time, this moment. It was awesome to hear her prayer because it reminded me of so many reasons why I am running.

I had another friend ask me earlier this week what the motivation was for running the marathon. I was surprised that my friend didn't know, but I guess I don't always lay out my motivations when people ask why.

I am in love with God, deeply, recklessly, unconditionally. Because I love Him so much, I will do whatever He asks of me. This is what He has asked of me right now. When I run this marathon on Sunday it is going to be a great outpouring of my love for my God, my Creator, my All. This is my offering to Him. It is a gift that I am laying at His feet.

This is what I was reminded of when my friend prayed last night. And it's good for me to remember all of this. She also reminded me that God sees this and it makes His heart so happy to see. God loves when we pursue Him. He loves to see our obedience and our love for Him displayed in our lives.

I sometimes forget that. Those are the mornings when it is so hard for me to make myself go run. Those are the mornings when I start to wonder why I am doing all of this. Those are the mornings when I wonder what the purpose of my life is and I wonder what I'm doing with my life because it feels like I'm not doing anything, like I'm not making a difference, that my life doesn't have purpose or meaning.

I don't know a lot in life. I'm still young and I'm still learning. But this I do know. I love God. He loves me. And my God is a God of impossible things. I consider myself exhibit 1.