seasons

Interesting fact about me #114: when I am tired on a regular basis, I become apathetic. (And yes, that is a number sign, not a hash tag.)

apathetic: (adjective) showing or feeling no interest, enthusiasm, or concern (I had to laugh because this is how the dictionary on my computer used apathetic in a sentence: apathetic slackers who don't vote.)

I try not to let myself get to this point of exhaustion, but every once in a while, I don't even realize that I have gotten there until I am knee deep in apathy and wondering why I've stopped caring about important things. That's why I am thankful and grateful for having people in my life who hold me accountable. Community isn't there for the good times we have together, although that is a benefit of community. They aren't there for when you feel like celebrating, but they do make celebrations more fun. 

Community is there to hold me accountable. My community has been carefully chosen. I have surrounded myself with people who I trust to call me out in the moments where I am giving myself too much to do, becoming tired, and starting to become apathetic (as well as calling me out about other issues, but that isn't the topic of this blog post).

Leading into this week I felt like I hadn't really slept well for about three weeks. Physically my body was just done. Add on top of that that I was cramming my time with as much as possible; looking at my calendar made me want to cry. Factor in the change of seasons: tomorrow begins fall, the season of transition into the quiet, sleepy months of winter. And don't forget seasonal allergies hitting me last week. This is the equation for a perfect storm of apathy for me. 

Then an amazing thing happened. Not one but two of the older, wiser, Godly men in my life challenged me. One made me realize that I was tired to the point of apathy, slacking about things I normally would have been taking care of right away. The other asked me what I was doing to resolve the situation. How are you making time to rest more? Thank you Jesus for community! 

As a result of this accountability, I had to cut back this week. I had to say no when I really wanted to say yes. I had to make more time to rest, more time to sleep, more time to be instead of do. Because as much as I want to pour into all of these things, all of these people, all of these ministries, I am no good if I am detached from my heart. 

If I am functioning in apathy it doesn't help anyone. If I don't really care about what I'm doing, I am just going through the motions. I'm not really investing. I am not fulfilling my purpose to be life-giving, a place of rest, nourishment and refreshment for others. I am starving my feminine energy and thereby depriving the people around me from the valuable things I have to offer them.

God gives us seasons so that we remember to do these things. Rest is so valuable and important. Excitement and passion are also valuable and important. I just needed a little help finding that balance this week. That's why I have a community who loves me and holds me accountable.