choices

This is something that I wrote about a year ago, and as I was looking back through some old journals I found it again. I think it fits with where I am at currently as well. 

If I were daring enough to live in a broken world with a fully awake and alive heart what would that look like? If I dared to love without reason in the middle of my wounds and pain would my heart be able to handle it? If I was generous with myself even when people don't deserve my best would I fade away, a used up shell?
 
Or would my fully awake and alive heart be used to bring beauty in the midst of pain? It may be that a choice to live with a heart that is open could change the world. It may be that that choice could bring peace, rest, life, and joy to people who desperately need it. It could be that a heart that is awake and alive has the power to make a black and white life into a full color picture.
 
Would my choice to love beyond reason in the midst of wounds and pain be the one thing that heals? A gentle answer turns away wrath, so could love turn away pain and fear? Could it be that God's love flowing through me could heal the sick and free the captive and bind up the broken hearted? It may be that love in the middle of brokenness is the one thing that will enlarge my heart and give me courage.
 
And could it be that if I was generous with myself when people don't deserve it that far from being used up I could come to the end of myself to discover a truer, better me where Jesus takes over? Could it be that I would grow as a person and discover who I am truly meant to be in the presence of the One who made me? Could it be that all these things would simply diminish me and magnify Christ? 

I believe that God is at work in my life. I believe that He is bigger than I can possibly imagine. I believe that He is sovereign. I trust Him fully and completely. 

That is why I make this choice again to have a fully awake and alive heart, to love beyond reason, and to be generous with myself for God's glory. I know that I don't do this well, which is why I am continually challenged to make this choice over and over again. Today is a fresh start and a new chance to decide to live with an open heart again.    

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