on being a woman

I am no shrinking violet. Those who know me personally will attest to the truth of this statement. I am a highly capable individual. I have taken care of myself for a number of years, and growing up on a farm made me resourceful. If something broke I had to figure out how to fix it. If we ran out of something I had to figure out how to substitute or make due without it. I am far from helpless because I haven't always had someone to help me, and I have to admit that there is a part of me that kind of likes it that way. I like that I can take care of myself because I do not have to rely on someone else to figure things out for me. I don't depend on anyone to fix things for me. I am not a needy woman, and the longer I am single and on my own, the more independent and capable I become. 

Which is where I feel like I am getting caught because I look around me and I see men who are continually drawn to women who are needy and helpless. Damsels in distress so to speak. And it drives me a little crazy because in my mind a woman is supposed to be a helper and someone who brings support and someone who has something to offer to the man in her life. A woman is supposed to be capable and resourceful and strong. How is a woman supposed to be a helper if she must be helped all the time? How is a woman to be a helper if she is helpless? 

This year I got my first Christmas tree by myself, and I had to cut the trunk off because that is what you do with a live tree. It's like cutting the stems off of flowers before you put them in a vase. So it was me and my leatherman alone in my apartment to cut off the base of my tree. I would have really liked help at that moment. I sat on my floor and railed about how this is what feminism has brought us to, and I eventually got it sawed off. 

I tell you that to emphasis that this is not an "I am woman, hear me roar" post. I often find myself longing for and desiring a man in my life to help me. I want a man to look me in the eyes and tell me to let him help me. I want a man to lift heavy things for me and be a shoulder for me to cry on. I want a man to help me, to let me be weak, to be strong for me. I want to be a helper, but I also want to be helped. Just because I can do things for myself does not mean that I want to or should have to do things for myself. I believe it is about finding balance in these things. 

That being said I refuse to sit around in a castle tower waiting to be rescued. I refuse to become a helpless damsel in distress because it goes against who I am and who I am created to be. I refuse to do that man, whomever he may be, the disservice of being ill prepared to be his helper and partner. I refuse to be less than I am created to be because I am created to be a woman in all that that means.