all the difference

Whenever I start something new, I always have a little internal panic going on in my head. What if I'm not any good at it? What if I fail miserably? What if they see that I am really just faking it until I (hopefully) make it? What if. . .? What if, what if, what if? 

I used to feel this way on the first day of classes every semester in college. I felt this way when I started massage therapy school. I have felt this way with every job I have ever started. 

I have felt this way with friendships. What if they find out I'm not actually cool? I have felt this way in ministry. What if they find out I don't actually know what I'm doing? I mean, I don't have a Bible education.

New things are a precipice into the unknown. There are equal parts of fear and excitement. I could walk off that precipice and fall with nothing to catch me. I could walk off that precipice and discover that I can fly. 

I have done enough new things at this point in my life, that I know I may not always succeed, but even more than that I have done enough new things to know that it is always worth it to take the risk and see what may happen. If something doesn't work out what have I lost really? 

A year ago, I started deciding that I needed to be willing to step out into those risks. I desperately wanted abundant life, and I decided that I had to be willing to pursue it. And here I am, a year later. A year filled with new things. A year full of what if's. A year full of risks and chances and beginnings. 

It has been flat out terrifying at times. There have been moments full of sorrow. It has been challenging beyond what I expected. And it has been completely worth it. It has been abundant.

 Abundant life is risky. The what if's and fears and questions aren't absent, but rather there is something beautiful to be found when we step forward despite and in spite of questions, what if's, and fears. The beauty is found in taking that leap and discovering the abundance that lies beyond the precipice. 

I'm not going to stop having an internal panic when I start something new. I know that the questions and what if's and fears will be there waiting for me. What I have learned over the last year is to not let that keep me from pursuing abundant life, to choose abundant life over fear. "And that has made all the difference."*

*Thank you Robert Frost for this eloquent phrase in "The Path Not Taken"

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

belonging

I'm supposed to be writing a sermon for a baccalaureate service we are having at our church tomorrow night to celebrate our high school graduates. Don't worry. I'll get it finished. But as I'm thinking about what to say to young people who are getting ready to cross a threshold in our community and culture, I'm also processing words that were recently spoken at a college graduation at a private Catholic university.  Here's the thing. Harrison Butker is a phenomenal football kicker. Last year he missed two field goals the entire season. He was responsible for the Chiefs making it to overtime in the Super Bowl, setting a Super Bowl record for the longest field goal ever made. Without his work, the Chiefs would not have won the Super Bowl, but they also probably wouldn't have made it to the Super Bowl. Harrison is really good at his job, and as a Chiefs fan, I both respect and admire his work. I'm really glad he plays for the Chiefs. I don't know all th...
Read more

peace

I've thought a lot about peace this week, and all week I've tried to come up with the words to say what I feel in my soul. I am weary. My heart mourns because there is so much dissension and violence in our world. There is so little peace.  The hosts of heaven announced the arrival of the Messiah with shouts of Glory to God in the Highest and Peace on Earth. I think sometimes we forget that people during this time frame had a very different version of peace than we think of today. The shepherds who heard this announcement would have been well aware of the Pax Romana: the Peace of Rome.  You see, Rome had a great and terrible weapon to enforce their peace. You threaten the peace; you die. And not just any death, but a public, humiliating, and excruciatingly painful death. The Peace of Rome came at a great price to any who would stand in their way.  So I wonder if any of the shepherds had questions or doubts as they left their sheep and rushed off to find th...
Read more

accomplishment

You know that sense of accomplishment when it really sinks in that you actually just did whatever you did. Like the first time you tie your shoes all by yourself. Or when you ride your bike without training wheels for the first time. Or when you drive you car without your mom or dad in it. Or when you make your first flight by yourself. Or when you move to a city where nothing is familiar and start a life there. Or when you finish your last class of your undergraduate college. Yep...that's what I did about an hour ago. I finished my last college class. I have one paper and 2 finals standing between me and graduation, but I will be graduating (New Zealand here I come!!) in a week and a day. My family will be down here in a week. In a week I will have handed in my paper and finished my last final. This is the verse that has been rattling around in my exhausted brain all day: "May the words of my mouth and the meditations of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O Lord, my Rock and...
Read more