why my husband isn't the answer to my prayers
My husband is not the
answer to my prayers. Yes, you read that correctly. While I prayed for
years and years for my husband, he is in fact not the answer to my
prayers.
I thought for many years that prayer was my only opportunity to influence my marital status. I thought that just maybe if I prayed hard enough and pursued God long enough that I would wear Him down. He would give me what I wanted. He would finally hear me. I just had to be persistent enough. I just had to wait long enough. I just had to be devoted enough.
The problem with all of that is it treats prayer rather like a vending machine. If I finally get the right amount of change, I will get what I want. If I finally round up enough quarters, I can get that delicious Dr. Pepper or bag of Doritos.*
Sadly, this is often what I see happen not just in my life, but in the church as well. We just have to pray harder and longer, and God will heal the person with cancer. We just have to have another prayer meeting. We just have to devote ourselves to getting up every morning and praying for an hour. Then God will hear us and answer our prayers.
But when the person with cancer dies, we are left wondering why God didn't hear us. Where was He? When we have all our prayer meetings and still the news breaks our hearts over and over again, we can't help but question why God isn't answering. When our singleness stretches on, we wonder if God really does care about the desires of our hearts.
We have been taught from Luke 11 that if we are persistent enough, if we just knock on our neighbor's door long enough at midnight, eventually he will get up and give us bread. After all, isn't that what Jesus is teaching?
But this is where we are wrong. Jesus didn't tell His disciples a story about a man asking his neighbor for bread at a ridiculous hour to tell us to keep knocking until we get an answer. He told that story to emphasize that God is our friend.
Our version of friendship is not as strong as it was in Jesus' day. In His day to be a friend truly meant that all that I have is yours. My house is your house. My bread is your bread. Your guest is my guest. Jesus told us this story so we would know what God is like.
Jesus sums up His story by telling us that earthly parents would never give their child a snake or a scorpion when they have asked for an egg or fish. "And if you who are evil give good gifts, how much more will my Father give you the Holy Spirit?" (rough paraphrase of Luke 11:13)
I have only recently come to understand that I have been praying with an incorrect premise for most of my life. I have been knocking and knocking and knocking because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. But all along I was missing it.
The great gift of prayer is that God gives Himself to us. This is the answer to all of our prayers. In the middle of death and pain and destruction and hurt, God is freely and generously and graciously giving Himself to us over and over again. In the midst of the dreadfulness of cancer, He gives us His Holy Spirit. In the anguish of another horrific news story, He gives us His Holy Spirit. In the pain of another holiday celebrated alone, He gives us His Holy Spirit.
Does this mean we stop praying? By no means! It is a right and good thing to pray, to lift up the joys and sorrows of our hearts to our good Father. But we should also be praying with the confidence that when we ask, He will answer our prayers by graciously giving Himself to us again. Perhaps we will receive the thing we have asked of God, but regardless of whether we do or do not, we can be assured that we will have something even greater; we will have God with us which to quote John Wesley is "the best of all."
As this truth has been sinking into my heart, I have been overwhelmed because through all of those years of praying for my husband, I was receiving the answer to my prayers. Through those years, God was continually giving Himself to me. All along God was with me. My prayers did not give me my husband; they gave me something greater. They gave me the Holy Spirit.
*I am not promoting either Dr. Pepper or Doritos but they were what came to mind with vending machines. Please make healthy food choices.
[I am deeply grateful to my husband not only for his editing skills and literary thoughts, but also for preaching a sermon on this passage (Fish&Eggs, Snakes&Scorpions) which inspired this post. If you are interested, his sermon can be found here.]
I thought for many years that prayer was my only opportunity to influence my marital status. I thought that just maybe if I prayed hard enough and pursued God long enough that I would wear Him down. He would give me what I wanted. He would finally hear me. I just had to be persistent enough. I just had to wait long enough. I just had to be devoted enough.
The problem with all of that is it treats prayer rather like a vending machine. If I finally get the right amount of change, I will get what I want. If I finally round up enough quarters, I can get that delicious Dr. Pepper or bag of Doritos.*
Sadly, this is often what I see happen not just in my life, but in the church as well. We just have to pray harder and longer, and God will heal the person with cancer. We just have to have another prayer meeting. We just have to devote ourselves to getting up every morning and praying for an hour. Then God will hear us and answer our prayers.
But when the person with cancer dies, we are left wondering why God didn't hear us. Where was He? When we have all our prayer meetings and still the news breaks our hearts over and over again, we can't help but question why God isn't answering. When our singleness stretches on, we wonder if God really does care about the desires of our hearts.
We have been taught from Luke 11 that if we are persistent enough, if we just knock on our neighbor's door long enough at midnight, eventually he will get up and give us bread. After all, isn't that what Jesus is teaching?
But this is where we are wrong. Jesus didn't tell His disciples a story about a man asking his neighbor for bread at a ridiculous hour to tell us to keep knocking until we get an answer. He told that story to emphasize that God is our friend.
Our version of friendship is not as strong as it was in Jesus' day. In His day to be a friend truly meant that all that I have is yours. My house is your house. My bread is your bread. Your guest is my guest. Jesus told us this story so we would know what God is like.
Jesus sums up His story by telling us that earthly parents would never give their child a snake or a scorpion when they have asked for an egg or fish. "And if you who are evil give good gifts, how much more will my Father give you the Holy Spirit?" (rough paraphrase of Luke 11:13)
I have only recently come to understand that I have been praying with an incorrect premise for most of my life. I have been knocking and knocking and knocking because that's what I thought I was supposed to do. The squeaky wheel gets the grease. But all along I was missing it.
The great gift of prayer is that God gives Himself to us. This is the answer to all of our prayers. In the middle of death and pain and destruction and hurt, God is freely and generously and graciously giving Himself to us over and over again. In the midst of the dreadfulness of cancer, He gives us His Holy Spirit. In the anguish of another horrific news story, He gives us His Holy Spirit. In the pain of another holiday celebrated alone, He gives us His Holy Spirit.
Does this mean we stop praying? By no means! It is a right and good thing to pray, to lift up the joys and sorrows of our hearts to our good Father. But we should also be praying with the confidence that when we ask, He will answer our prayers by graciously giving Himself to us again. Perhaps we will receive the thing we have asked of God, but regardless of whether we do or do not, we can be assured that we will have something even greater; we will have God with us which to quote John Wesley is "the best of all."
As this truth has been sinking into my heart, I have been overwhelmed because through all of those years of praying for my husband, I was receiving the answer to my prayers. Through those years, God was continually giving Himself to me. All along God was with me. My prayers did not give me my husband; they gave me something greater. They gave me the Holy Spirit.
*I am not promoting either Dr. Pepper or Doritos but they were what came to mind with vending machines. Please make healthy food choices.
[I am deeply grateful to my husband not only for his editing skills and literary thoughts, but also for preaching a sermon on this passage (Fish&Eggs, Snakes&Scorpions) which inspired this post. If you are interested, his sermon can be found here.]
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