listening
I don't listen well. I have been discovering this for quite a while. I don't allow people to speak their minds and just listen to them. Instead I'm already formulating my response before I have even heard them out. I cut people off, and I assume that I already know what they are planning to say as soon as I start listening.
This is not actually listening. This is simply waiting for an opportunity to talk, an opportunity to hear my own voice and all the wonderful things I have to say. And I do have good things to say. I have a unique voice and perspective and deep thoughts that should be shared. It is not that it is wrong for me to speak. The problem is that I speak when I should listen.
And when I speak instead of listen, I am devaluing my conversation partner. When I am already formulating my response, I am not truly valuing the person in front of me. I am not giving them my time and attention. And shockingly enough, they may not even need me to respond. They may just need to speak. When I allow them space to speak, I am honoring and valuing them as another unique voice, with a unique perspective and deep thoughts.
I cannot tell you the number of times that I have said over the last year: "I just wish people would listen to each other." Racial and political tensions are so taunt in our country. People yell and scream at each other trying to be the loudest voice, each convinced that they are right. We argue back and forth, not actually listening to the people we are talking to, not actually believing for a second that they have any thing of value to say.
I am as guilty of this as anyone else. But I am waking up. I am catching myself rebutting, cutting people off in mid-sentence. I am trying to listen instead of speak.
Perhaps we are scared to listen because we think that by listening we are automatically agreeing with someone. If we don't argue our point, then we are saying that the other person is right. To listen doesn't declare someone is right or wrong. It simply declares that they have value and their perspective is valid. We can still have our own opinion. Listening doesn't mean that we become brainwashed. In fact, listening may actually require more of us because we have to think harder. We have to consider the validity of an alternate viewpoint. We have to wrestle with difficult questions.
As I think about listening, I am drawn to the picture of Jesus before his accusers as his execution drew near. If ever there was someone who was right, it was him. Yet, what does he say? Next to nothing. He doesn't defend himself. He doesn't insist that they listen to him. He doesn't try to convince them that he's right and they're wrong. Perhaps it is because he knows they won't believe him even if he were to speak. Perhaps it is because he knows that they won't listen.
I wonder what would happen if we began to listen. I wonder what would happen if we truly began to hear one another instead of raising our voices louder and louder, clamoring to be heard. Perhaps we would find more compassion in our hearts as we listened to the stories that others have to tell. Perhaps we would find more kindness in our hearts as we get to know people. Perhaps we would find more love and less hate. Perhaps we would discover that it matters less who is right and who is wrong. Perhaps we would look a little more like Jesus.
*I am deeply grateful to the people in my life who have listened to me throughout the years. I fervently believe that when we have been listened to, we are then able to listen to others. Among these are mentors, friends, family, and my wonderful husband who has taught me so much about listening to people.
This is not actually listening. This is simply waiting for an opportunity to talk, an opportunity to hear my own voice and all the wonderful things I have to say. And I do have good things to say. I have a unique voice and perspective and deep thoughts that should be shared. It is not that it is wrong for me to speak. The problem is that I speak when I should listen.
And when I speak instead of listen, I am devaluing my conversation partner. When I am already formulating my response, I am not truly valuing the person in front of me. I am not giving them my time and attention. And shockingly enough, they may not even need me to respond. They may just need to speak. When I allow them space to speak, I am honoring and valuing them as another unique voice, with a unique perspective and deep thoughts.
I cannot tell you the number of times that I have said over the last year: "I just wish people would listen to each other." Racial and political tensions are so taunt in our country. People yell and scream at each other trying to be the loudest voice, each convinced that they are right. We argue back and forth, not actually listening to the people we are talking to, not actually believing for a second that they have any thing of value to say.
I am as guilty of this as anyone else. But I am waking up. I am catching myself rebutting, cutting people off in mid-sentence. I am trying to listen instead of speak.
Perhaps we are scared to listen because we think that by listening we are automatically agreeing with someone. If we don't argue our point, then we are saying that the other person is right. To listen doesn't declare someone is right or wrong. It simply declares that they have value and their perspective is valid. We can still have our own opinion. Listening doesn't mean that we become brainwashed. In fact, listening may actually require more of us because we have to think harder. We have to consider the validity of an alternate viewpoint. We have to wrestle with difficult questions.
As I think about listening, I am drawn to the picture of Jesus before his accusers as his execution drew near. If ever there was someone who was right, it was him. Yet, what does he say? Next to nothing. He doesn't defend himself. He doesn't insist that they listen to him. He doesn't try to convince them that he's right and they're wrong. Perhaps it is because he knows they won't believe him even if he were to speak. Perhaps it is because he knows that they won't listen.
I wonder what would happen if we began to listen. I wonder what would happen if we truly began to hear one another instead of raising our voices louder and louder, clamoring to be heard. Perhaps we would find more compassion in our hearts as we listened to the stories that others have to tell. Perhaps we would find more kindness in our hearts as we get to know people. Perhaps we would find more love and less hate. Perhaps we would discover that it matters less who is right and who is wrong. Perhaps we would look a little more like Jesus.
*I am deeply grateful to the people in my life who have listened to me throughout the years. I fervently believe that when we have been listened to, we are then able to listen to others. Among these are mentors, friends, family, and my wonderful husband who has taught me so much about listening to people.
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