#ISurvivedIKDG

I grew up smack in the middle of the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" movement. I was passionate about not dating, not putting myself in compromising situations, not having physical contact of any kind with guys. I worked hard to make myself the kind of girl who was perfect marriage material.

And maybe that was scary to guys or maybe I just didn't know how to interact with them or maybe I was waiting for that moment of knowing beyond a shadow of a doubt that this was who I was supposed to marry. Whatever it was, it resulted in a 25 year old woman who was heart broken because no one wanted her.

And then I met a man who did seem to want me, but I wasn't sure I should be interested in him. I had saved everything for him, and he was divorced. This would seem to be the exact situation that I should have avoided.

But I realized I am a hypocrite. I professed to believe that God can redeem and restore anything and anyone, but I was acting like this man was somehow tainted. I was acting like my brokenness was somehow more holy than his brokenness, when we were both just broken.

 

This realization propelled a nearly 26 year old woman who had never been on a date to fly half way across the country to visit that man after meeting him in person once and talking to him for three weeks. The part of my mind that had counseled and encouraged girls for years to guard their hearts and not be too forward and not put yourself out there and to be safe knew that I would be telling those girls to NEVER do this.*

 

I am an economist. I know one or two things about risk and reward. If you risk small you don't lose out on much if the risk doesn't pay off, but you will only ever get a small reward if it does. However, if you risk big you might lose big, but you might also get a big reward. You have to be willing to risk big to get the big reward. The biggest risk there is is to make yourself vulnerable. The biggest risk there is is to live an abundant life. What was the worst that could possibly happen? I was already broken. 

More than a decade after kissing dating goodbye, I abandoned the courtship principle, and I went on my first date. And as far as first dates go, let me just tell you, I had the best one. Ever. There were literal fireworks. I mean seriously. 

After my cross-country trek, we embarked on a long distance dating relationship, until ten months into it, I was at a crossroads. I knew this was the man I wanted to marry, but I also knew that for him to reach that same conclusion, he needed to know that I could live in the same vicinity as him so we could experience life together on a daily basis rather than two or three days at a time. 

 

So I packed, and my mom drove me a thousand miles across the country and helped me unpack in a tiny apartment in a great small town, and then she drove away. Living near each other was wonderful and difficult and beautiful and challenging. It was messy. Which is exactly what one broken person should expect from living in a vulnerable relationship with another broken person. 

 

I knew I wanted to marry him less than a month after we met. He had written me a long message and in the middle of the message he had simply written: "Excurses: You are a beloved daughter of God, beautiful and precious to behold." I knew the moment I read that that I wanted to marry him. But I had a beautiful and untainted vision of marriage in my mind. He had seen the worst marriage had to offer, and it had broken him. He had given all of himself to someone before and it hadn't ended well. 

 

I had been broken by my lack of relationships. He had been broken by the relationship that was meant to last forever. In the world of "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" there was no room for brokenness. But I found our brokenness to be something beautiful because without brokenness there is no need for redemption.     

That wonderful, broken man I moved halfway across the country for is now my husband of nearly three years. His patient, relentless, gentle love has healed so many of the raw, pain-filled edges of my soul. He has demonstrated the redemptive love of God to me over and over again. Together we daily redeem the brokenness of our lives as we join in the beautiful redemptive story of a Divine Love more scary, fulfilling, and beautiful that I can even begin to comprehend.

Tonight I watched a documentary called "I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye." As I watched, I felt another raw, pain-filled edge of my soul that I didn't even know was still there get soothed with a healing balm as I heard the redemptive Love of God being proclaimed. Even if you were not a part of the "I Kissed Dating Goodbye" movement, I would recommend watching this documentary. You can watch it for free online by simply signing up on this website: I Survived I Kissed Dating Goodbye. 

I'm sure that Joshua Harris will probably never read this blog, but just in case he ever does I want to say that I appreciate how difficult and messy making yourself vulnerable is. Thank you, Josh, for having the courage to admit that you don't have all the answers. Thank you for having the courage to admit that you can make mistakes. Thank you for being vulnerable and allowing the redemptive love of God to be proclaimed.

 

*I am not advocating to abandon safety. I had many friends who had known this man for years who told me he was the best man they knew before I embarked on this journey. Please don't just fly cross country to visit a man you barely know. He could be a serial killer.