hope

Confession: I'm actually not a huge fan of Christmas. I know, I know. I'm a grinch. Okay, that's actually kind of true. I really was the Grinch last year for our Advent series at church. But aside from that, I have just never really LOVED Christmas. I don't have tons of family traditions that I look forward to every year. It's an incredibly busy season for us, and all I ever want to do is curl up in my living room and be still. 

So when I started observing Advent, my soul started to settle a little around this time of the year. 'Tis the season. . .of Advent: the beginning of the new year in the Church, the season of longing, anticipation, waiting. Advent is the last four weeks leading up to physically the darkest day of the year. Then just after the darkest day the Light of the World takes on flesh and dwells among us.

This past Sunday was the beginning of Advent, the Sunday of Hope, but today has really been the first day I have had time or energy to think about and focus on Advent, and my soul needs it. As I was driving home tonight, I was thinking about Hope. 

I desperately need Hope this year. I have spent the better part of the last year without Hope. I spent most of a month and a half barely moving from my couch because I literally could not find the energy to shower, put on clothes, and leave the house. Grief lingered very near this year. Hope got buried under grave clothes, pregnancy tests with one line instead of two, and a never-ending stream of busy-ness. 

So I enter Advent and read: "The true light, which gives light to everyone, was coming into the world." (John 1:9) And my soul recognizes what it needs. As I sit in the darkness, waiting, I need the true light, which gives light to everyone, to come into my world. I need hope that in the darkness, the Light will come. 

In the darkness, the longing and anticipation gathers. A new thing is coming. Hope doesn't come in miraculous healing. Hope doesn't come in a second line appearing on a pregnancy test. Hope doesn't come in a week of solitude. Hope comes from that still, small voice saying: I'm doing a new thing, and it starts here in the darkness. 

Because the Resurrection happens while it is still dark. Hope comes because the Light shines in the darkness and the darkness has not, cannot, will not overcome it. Hope comes because the true light put on the flesh of a tiny baby in a manger in Bethlehem. Hope comes because he didn't stay in that manger, but he grew up and gave himself for us. Hope comes because he didn't stay in the ground, but rose again. Hope comes because he is coming back, and he will make all things new.

And it starts now, in the darkness.