needed: men

Last fall I wrote a blog post about how we need men. It is my second highest read post. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and so I thought I would send a few more thoughts out there on the subject.

Webster's dictionary defines need as a lack of something useful, required or desired, a condition in which there is a deficiency of something, a condition of poverty or extreme want, require, to be necessary. It comes from a base word which means "to collapse with weariness" or "starvation."

In our society I think there is a stigma attached to the word need. We have been conditioned to be self-sufficient. To say that we need something is seen as weakness (and we all know that only the strong survive). In many cases it may not be that we have been verbally told that but the actions of those around us have caused us to pick up on it.

In life we have needs, and we have wants. Especially when I look at how the word need is defined, I begin to question do I really "need" men? Is it not more of a want than a need? I have no desire to be a needy woman. If I say that I need men doesn't that somehow imply that there is something lacking in my life, that I have a condition of poverty or extreme want, that I am not enough on my own?

And here is where I come to a fine line that I will attempt to walk with caution. In the church, we like to say that all we need is God. We tell this to singles to encourage them. "Oh, you're 25 and haven't dated, well, don't worry, God is all you need." As if this reassurance is all it takes to comfort the place of deep longing inside of a person's heart.

This is where I struggle because I know that God is more than able to fill every part of us. And yet. And yet, in His infinite wisdom and mystery He created us to live in community with people. Even at the very beginning He said that it was not good that Adam was alone, and so He created a suitable helper for him. If being alone was "not good" in the beginning, what makes us so arrogant to say that it is somehow "good" now?

I want to clarify something here because I think this is where it gets difficult to distinguish between need and want. I don't need a husband. There have been plenty of single men and women who have successfully served God their whole lives as singles. Getting married is not a necessity nor something I am entitled to, but rather a good gift that I hope God will bless me with.

But I do need men. Regardless of whether or not I get married, I will always need men in my life. Men bring a different part of God's image into my life. Men are distinctly different from women. No matter how many great girl friends I have, they will never bring into my life that which is distinctly male because God didn't create them to.

God created us to live in relationship with each other because we bear His image in ways that are completely and totally unique to us. Just as there is no substitute for energy and nutrition from consuming food, there is no substitute for the presence of men. I need men because without them there is a deficiency of something in my life. Men are not some nice bonus to add on to life. Men are necessary.  

So I willingly admit my need, my lack, my deficiency, and I say again that I need men.