Something Beautiful

So I finally did it. After over 5 years of contemplation and on again/off again desire to get a tattoo, I finally got one. This is not a post to argue for or against getting tattoos. I think that there are valid arguments for and against, and it really just boils down to personal decision and conviction.  This post is to tell why I got the tattoo that I did. Anyone who has spoken with me for any length of time (or who has read this blog before) probably knows that I usually think in the long-term which is helpful when considering getting something put on one's body permanently. The fact that I have chosen to do this show's how deeply I believe in what I have gotten.      It is Hebrew for beautiful. If the title of my blog is any indication I am deeply interested in beauty, and I find beauty all around me. I love finding beauty in the ordinary and mundane because God is in the ordinary and mundane, and He is the altogether beautiful one.  Something ...

I haven't posted in a while. Partly time. Partly other reasons. If you know me at all you know that I am a big believer in the spiritual disciplines of fasting and prayer. I think that they are under-practiced, under-appreciated, and under-valued.  All of that to say that I came to a point a little over two months ago when I just could not continue without some kind of change in several areas of my life. I was desperately in need of breakthrough. I happened to be reading in Daniel at the time and that got me started thinking about the word "until" and what it would look like to fast until something happened, until God broke through, until things changed.  I have a friend who did this and was on a Daniel fast for 10 months, so I was prepared that it could easily be years until I was done fasting. But I made the decision that it was worth it.  It was worth it. I wasn't on my fast for nearly as long as I thought I would be, but God has answered me in all of the pla...

So about 3 months ago I moved into my own apartment. It was the life season change that I needed, and I cannot tell you how much I enjoy living on my own. After 25 years of sharing space and accommodating others, I get to decide how I want everything. And I'm fairly certain the only way I could go back to living with someone else is getting married.  When I moved in I decided that I wanted to be intentional about my space and about how I live. With freedom comes responsibility, and I want to be responsible with what I have been given. Anyone who knows me, probably knows that I have difficulty with plants. And more specifically with keeping plants alive. I have always wanted to be good at gardening/growing things for several reasons. I am a farmer's daughter, and I have always enjoyed the smell of good, dark earth and the process of bringing forth something new. I also have always admired my grandmas and their ability to have beautiful gardens. I remember my Grand...

I don't usually share my poetry with people. Probably because I don't feel that I am a great poet and so my poetry is usually just for me. It might also be that usually I am unfiltered when I write poetry. It is a baring of my soul that few other things can bring about. Therefore, most of my poetry remains hidden, tucked away in corners of my journals and scribbled on scraps of paper. Every once in a while, though, a poem keeps coming to mind and seems relevant to share, so I try to share those. This particular poem has come to mind several times since I wrote it last fall, and it is relevant to my life currently, so I am hoping that it will speak to you as well.  A grain of wheat   I live in a paradigm of paradoxes.  Strength comes through weakness. Victory comes through suffering. Life comes through death. I'm called to be a life giver,  to bring life, health, joy, peace, beauty. Yet it is only through dying to myself that life will come. I a...

Last fall I wrote a blog post about how we need men. It is my second highest read post. I have been thinking about this a lot lately, and so I thought I would send a few more thoughts out there on the subject. Webster's dictionary defines need as a lack of something useful, required or desired, a condition in which there is a deficiency of something, a condition of poverty or extreme want, require, to be necessary. It comes from a base word which means "to collapse with weariness" or "starvation." In our society I think there is a stigma attached to the word need. We have been conditioned to be self-sufficient. To say that we need something is seen as weakness (and we all know that only the strong survive). In many cases it may not be that we have been verbally told that but the actions of those around us have caused us to pick up on it. In life we have needs, and we have wants. Especially when I look at how the word need is defined, I begin to question d...

Let me tell you about my Pops. When I was little, oh maybe 4 or 5, my family was going to take a trip to Montana to visit my grandparents. I was so looking forward to it, but for some reason at the last minute (and I do mean that we were in the van getting ready to leave) it wasn't going to work for us to go at that time. Knowing myself, I think that I was probably throwing a bit of a fit because I had eagerly anticipated this trip and was being denied that which I desired.  I still remember this very clearly. My dad looked me directly in the eyes and told me that he knew he had promised this and he hated to break that promise and if I would hold him to that promise we would make the trip. I knew at that moment looking into my dad's eyes that if I insisted he would have gotten in the van and driven to Montana and back because he said he would. From that moment on I have always believed my dad when he said something because I knew that he would keep his word, no matter what ...

Change always comes with a choice. Struggle and Resistance. Or. Submission and Surrender. In a marathon there is usually what is called a do or die hill. You either do it and finish or you die on it and quit. In life, change is often that do or die hill. You either submit and surrender to change or you struggle and resist. As much as I hate change and as often as I struggle against it, I am learning that often the best thing to do is also the hardest thing to do: surrender and submit myself to change and allow myself to be stretched through that change.

Running is for me the most deeply personal form of worship that I can express. It is complete worship for me, body, mind, soul and spirit. It is a total submission to God, a laying aside of myself that nothing else quite achieves. Which is, at the very heart of it, what worship truly is--surrender. Running has shown me that it truly is possible to worship in every circumstance, in every state of mind, in every emotion because I have ran through all of them. I have ran through anger, despair, hurt, exhaustion, sorrow, anguish, pain, desperation, apathy, peace, joy, happiness. In everything I have found a place of worship through surrender in running. Running has not only been worship for me, but it has been a working out of my salvation (Philippians 2:12). I have worked through some of my hardest questions and deepest issues while running. I have found deep healing through running. I have cried. I have laughed. I have probably cursed (just being honest here). And I have found deep peace...

We all have times when we go through dry seasons, dark nights, times of grief and mourning, and desperation. This post is purely practical advice about taking care of yourself during such a time. These are things that I have read, observed or discovered for myself while going through such seasons. Don't neglect yourself. We humans are intricate creations. We are body, mind, soul, spirit, heart. We need to take care of ourselves holistically because everything is tied together. We cannot separate the different parts of ourselves, and we cannot think that the rest of our person will not suffer if one part of us is suffering. If we are suffering emotionally it will show itself in other ways, and the same for everything else. Motivation. I find that it is very easy for me to get overwhelmed and just neglect everything when I am going through a difficult time. Something that I have found helpful is from the book Learning to Walk Alone by Ingrid Trobish. She says have a goal of acco...

I'm not good at asking for help.  I don't want to seem like I'm nagging. Proverbs 21:19 says that it is better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife (NIV), and while I am not married, I believe that what I practice now will be the foundation to my later life. I don't want to be a nagger, so I don't ask. I don't want to inconvenience anyone. We all know those people who ask you to do something at the worst possible time, but you feel obligated to help them because they asked. I don't want to be one of those people. So instead of potentially putting anyone out, I will just not ask. I don't want to come across as needy. We all also know those people who always need something from you. They constantly take and take and never give back, high-maintenance people. This is never how I want to come across.  I hate feeling like I owe anyone. In my analytical mind there is a balance sheet where if I do something for someone it doesn...