Something Beautiful

Let me just tell you about the last approximately 24 hours of my life. Last night ( I guess technically it's now Friday so it would actually be Wednesday night not Thursday night), I got home from Bible Study and just a fantastic evening at PoHo in general, and I got a letter from the Communications Department. I opened it, and there was my acceptance letter to the graduate communications department. As I'm sure you can imagine lots of screaming and jumping up and down and excitement ensued. It was an incredible moment for me, even though I was quite sure that I would be accepted into the program, I was still so excited. I woke up Thursday morning still reveling in the excitement and happiness of the previous evening, and was almost late to my 9:30 class. Class let out early, like usual, so I worked on my homework for my econ class...which was research...possibly my least favorite thing to do on earth...it ranks right in there with cleaning out the fridge. There are very few th...

I am going to have a fairly easy next couple of weeks (with the exception of starting me senior research), but I found out this morning that my poetry class will be meeting Thursday and Tuesday and then not for another 2 and a half weeks!!! Hollar! That means no 9:30 class for 2 and a half weeks. That is amazing! Maybe I will have time to go for a run or two in the mornings if the weather becomes a little more pleasant. We'll see. I'm contemplating running another half marathon in April with my dad. If I do, then in my 21st year I will have run a marathon and two half-marathons. That would be pretty sweet. But then I start to think about all the training I would have to do again. So it's still kind of up in the air whether or not I will actually do it or not. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning...first one in about 2 years...should be exciting (note sarcasm). But I'm going to get all my dental work done, and then hopefully be done with that for a while. I spen...

I am exhausted and today was exceptionally stressful, so I'm going to try to make this short so I can get to bed soon. I have spent entirely too much time in a car in the last three days. Friday was the drive to Kansas. Saturday was the drive to Nebraska and back. Today was the drive back to SGF. Don't get me wrong, I love roadtrips and I love driving, but when I spend more time driving than I actually spend where I'm going that is just frustrating to me. The wedding was so lovely. In some ways it was exactly what one would expect from my extended family, and in some ways it wasn't. It was good quality time with my immediate family though, and I had a fantastic time with God. I am always overwhelmed when I see the bride (of any wedding) walking down the isle that I inevitably end up shedding a few tears. This wedding was no exception. I just had such a beautiful picture from God of how this is just a vision of what the bridal feast of the Lamb is going to be like. I am ...

I think Ingrid Michaelson's Be OK album is a soundtrack for my life...I listened to it almost twice on my way up to Kansas today. It also gave me lots of time to think and digest. So here's what has been happening in my life lately. "Open me up and you will see I'm a gallery of broken hearts." - Be OK This is how I feel about my heart right now. If you opened me up there is just row after row of my heart being broken and then put back together. That sounds kind of morbid and perhaps a bit of an exaggeration, but perhaps more than having a broken heart it is being wounded over and over again. "I'm giving up on making passes, I'm giving up on half empty glasses, I'm giving up on greener grasses, I'm giving up." - Giving Up This entire song talks about the what if's of relationships. What if things change in the relationship? What if we change and lose who we are? The chorus is what I quoted above and that is where she says that she is g...

I always knew there was a reason that I hadn't dated anyone. I logically knew this, and yet somewhere deep inside there always was this question of why am I different from everyone else? I think on of the puzzel pieces fell into place today when I was in my relationship class. We were talking about traits that have been shown to contribute to a successful marriage. And we were talking about the top things we look for in a potential mate. I have always had high standards for a potential mate. And there are a few things that I am completely unwilling to compromise on (i.e. a relationship with Jesus). As we were sitting there, my professor mentioned that one time he had his students write out the top 5 characteristics they want in a mate and then compare it to their current partner. He said that a shocking number of the students had less than half of the characteristics in their current partner. That was when I realized it. I have never dated because I never found anyone who was up to...

Homework finished...stress over senior research--well, I don't think it will be over until the class is. I have to submit three research topics by thursday...and I have no idea what I'm going to research. But that's really beside the point of this post. *Note: K, fair warning that some of my Greek mythology might be off...sorry! I want to give you a few thoughts that I had after going to see Percy Jackson and the Olympians with my lovely friend K. K is very into Greek mythology (it is in fact part of her major), so she convinced me to go see this movie with her while the rest of the girls went to see Valentine's Day. Therefore I had no expectations whatsoever concerning the movie, and perhaps as a result I enjoyed it very greatly. Having a boy with beautiful blue eyes as the main character probably helped, but I really enjoyed some awesome and thought provoking moments as a result of the movie. The movie centers around the lives of the demi-gods. These are the children ...

*Note: These are remarks connected to the day of Valentine's not the movie Valentine's Day, just so we are all clear here. Yesterday was Valentine's Day--a day that I have always looked forward to with fear and loathing. Fear because I don't want to be alone and loathing because (you guessed it) I don't want to be alone. I don't really mind being alone exactly. I have come to a peace with that at this time in my life, but I mind being alone on a holiday that (regardless of what everyone says) is about couples. Honestly now, let's face it...Valentine's Day is about couples. That perhaps is not what it is supposed to be about, and perhaps that is not what it historically is about, but when we get right down to it, whether we like it or not, whether we believe that's the way it should be or not, that IS the way it is. Why else do single people always seem to dread this one specific day of the year? All of that aside, after 21 years I seem to have come t...

"In this is Love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us, and sent His Son to be the atoning sacrifice for our sins." 1 John 4:10 I don't understand love--not even remotely do I understand love. In this is Love, that God, loving us so much sent His Son to die for our mistakes, our sins. I don't have children (although I hopefully will someday), but I cannot even imagine sending my child to die for someone else's mistake. It would be like sending my child to take the place of someone on death row about to be executed for murder. Yeah...I don't understand loving someone so much that I would do that for them, and yet as John writes "In this is Love." WOW! I pray that I will one day understand and exhibit that love in my life. I pray that God would empty me of myself, so that this love, His love would be able to flow through me because there is no way I in all of my humanness could ever love people like this. My title comes from this lovely song by...

I am very blessed. And God likes to give me little blessings that make me realize the BIG BLESSINGS that He has also given me. Take last night for example. I had the sweetest thing happen. One of my co-workers bought me dinner. I know it wasn't a big thing to him, but it was huge to me. It blessed my heart in such a sweet way, and I can't deceide whether I want to cry or smile continuously because of it. That was a little blessing, and yet it pointed me to an even bigger blessing. A blessing of good and Godly men. I realize that that in and of itself doesn't really seem like it's that big of a blessing, but when you look a little deeper it is in face not just a BIG BLESSING, but a HUGE one. Good and Godly men point us to...GOD. Whenever something like that happens, it draws me closer to God. Pay attention to the little blessings and see how they become BIG BLESSINGS. :)

I know I have blogged about how music speaks straight to my heart before, but I have just been so reminded lately of how much music exposes my heart that I just felt the need to blog about it again. I went to hear my lovely friend Lee Ellen Starks play on Friday night at Askinosie Chocolate factory, and she sang the song "Heavenly Day" (among many others), but this one really hit me because I suddenly saw it in a new light. While she was singing this verse came to mind: "For a day in your courts is better than a thousand elsewhere." Psalm 84:10 The song talks about the clouds blowing away and how there is no trouble. It says that tomorrow might rain, but today is a heavenly day. (That's all my paraphrase. You can look up the lyrics if you want.) For a while now in my walk I have felt like I'm just surrounded by clouds everywhere, but I keep walking because of the joy of that one day. That one day when the clouds all blow away, when I can see everywhere aroun...

I just got done making my first ever chocolate souffle for K and A and myself. Not gonna lie...it was delicious...I'm glad it turned out so well...since I've never made one before. But let me tell you...hot chocolate souffle at midnight is about the best thing...ever. K and I watched No Reservations (the movie not the travel channel show) tonight instead of the super bowl. And it really just made me want to cook something fantastic and delicious...so I was really glad when K wanted some dessert. :) What a lovely end to what was a busy and mildly stressful, yet strangely fun day. I spoke at a church this morning about PoHo, and I'm looking forward to being able to do more of that in the future...but I feel like maybe I should be a little more prepared next time...I really felt like I was just rambling. God gave me an incredible reminder this morning of the wonderful feeling of complete and total abandonment to Him. It was delightful. And then tonight to top it all off, I got...

My heart is a mess. For that matter, my enitre life is one messy matter. God bless my future husband for not only putting up with my messiness but loving me inspite of it (because I'm sure he will). Anyway...I love talking with my beautiful friend K on our lovely Friday mornings. I think this is something I figured out last week when we were talking, but it came back up this week, so I thought I would blog about it. I think I get scared of my heart and my messiness. For some people, it is easy for them to be in touch with their hearts. That is not me. In fact, I am an expert at ignoring my heart...it goes with my Oscar worthy acting skills. It is very easy for me to just tune out my heart and put on a mask and act like everything is just fine when it may or may not be. It is easy for me to get wrapped up in every day life and to not check what is going on inside of me. I think it goes back to something I felt like I discovered about myself earlier this week. I think I have the hear...

I'm not even kidding. I am seriously plotting how to go to PA and murder Phil for predicting another 6 weeks of winter. Oh, Happy Groundhog Day! Seriously, how can it be happy when we are talking about another 6 weeks of miserable cold and general awfulness?!?! It's a good thing I have coffee and pandora right now...otherwise things might get ugly. You think I'm kidding, but no, I'm really not. I was looking at cheapcaribbean.com earlier to see if I could find a cheap way to escape to somewhere warm--and then forget to come back until May. I am fed up with cold. The End. However, there is no one who can chase away my blues like Frank Sinatra...sigh...thank you pandora. Okay, well, Jesus is actually the best for that, but Frank is a close second. ;) I really didn't want to get out of bed this morning. I hate days that I really don't want to get out of bed and yet I have to because I have things to do. The fun part was getting to wake up early enough to have time ...